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Illusion Conclusion
Jerry Stocking
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Illusion Conclusion — Core (16 Tapes)
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Tape 12 – Side B
Tape 12 – Side B
IC_T12B
41:22
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Transcript
242 utterances · click to jump
00:00
S0
Anybody, any guru, anyone who's attained whatever is all good and all bad. Mhmm. And you're trying to stay right in the middle zone. Mhmm. You have to get so pissed at him that you can't believe it, and then you have to love him so much that you can't that you're absolutely overwhelmed. That's the way you break your heart. You break your heart by shifting the seven plus or minus two so radically that your life becomes the swings and then you move to a different level in which it's a completely different beast. And you've staked out the center ground. I know it. And in the center ground, what you think is what determines everything.
00:44
S1
And I filtered it all through there.
00:45
S0
Yes. Yes. And that's not alive. You are not alive next to somebody who's absolutely livid about something. You notice that they're more alive than you are? And
00:58
S0
what happens when you can traverse this is that they close in and they end up being the same. And then you're really alive.
01:09
S0
But you can't do it by holding this here because holding this here, you don't only have to hold the center point, you have to hold every single point in between because you'd have to know exactly how good somebody is and how bad somebody is in order to define yourself by that. Who else is on the center point, by the way?
01:32
S0
Do you get my point?
01:33
S2
Yes. Yeah.
01:33
S0
Yeah. I thought you did. And then and I'll say no. He's got the center point. You can't have it. He's king of the hell. Oh, jeez.
01:42
S0
The whole thing is a battle to become king of the hell. Yeah. I
01:49
S1
I've been saying I don't wanna make judgments, and you're saying I need to make more and more judgments.
01:52
S0
So many. Yeah. You need to judge them and judge them and judge them and judge them. And you know what'll happen if you can judge them all the way from all the way over here to all the way over there? You'll see them, and it won't be your head.
02:09
S0
It won't be your head. But see, Molly wants her marriage a certain way. She has a certain playing field of how it would be okay if it's that way. If it gets out of that, then the marriage is in jeopardy. She has to have the whole playing field for the marriage. Now that makes sense to you. Right?
02:29
S2
Yes.
02:29
S0
If she has to have it right in the middle, how well is she gonna get along with somebody? He's never gonna be in the middle with her. It'll never get better than those two little figures on top of the cake. You need to get those to live it for you because it won't get like that because it isn't like that out there.
02:51
S0
There they are under the covers. He farts. Unbelievable thing.
02:57
S0
It is not right.
03:00
S0
And not only that, he then lets on that he held it till he got under the covers.
03:06
S1
And pulled the covers over her head.
03:08
S3
Yes.
03:13
S0
I'm telling you that center ground is the ground only of the head, and you've gotta
03:23
S0
get both points because and you know this from all the reading you've done. You've done a lot of reading. Oh, well. And you know that good and bad are just made up.
03:32
S1
And and certainly what happened since I signed up for this course, I'm I'm an awful lot that's going on.
03:39
S0
I want you over lunch to get pissed at the waiter or waitress and raise your voice.
03:49
S3
Goddamn it. I didn't order this.
03:53
S0
Look at him. This is more alive. Do you see it?
03:59
S0
There any question about this is more alive?
04:04
S1
No one's gonna wanna go to lunch with me now. I
04:09
S0
think you interpreted that just backwards.
04:12
S2
Yeah.
04:13
S0
They are all now curious wondering what the heck's going on. Look at him. He defined the other as alive. You define whatever state you're stuck in as the state. It takes you a matter of seconds to do so. And then that's what look at him. And then with the same waiter or waitress, I want you to go,
04:41
S4
I don't think this is what I ordered.
04:47
S3
I don't like my french fries like this.
05:03
S0
You get it? That's the real thing. You tell me that wasn't the real thing? That's the real thing.
05:11
S0
Yeah. That's it. It shows in your body. It shows in your everything. It shows you up. You show up. That's the real thing.
05:22
S0
It's all made up, you guys. It's all made up. And if you do it for some ulterior motive, you're a schmuck.
05:34
S0
And if you do it in order to gain the playing field, you become a useful human being to every other human being on the planet. If
05:47
S0
you do it because you think tears will get you what you want now It's not. They're gonna be crocodile tears. They're gonna be goofy. They aren't gonna be what you just had. But see, just had it so you didn't have to, but still you've got it. It's delightful, isn't it? It's alive. Alive is being able to hit any place on the spectrum with your attention. But if you know you're right, I mean, tell me one war that didn't result from that. Tell me one murder that didn't result from that. Tell me one broken relationship that didn't result from that. They all resulted from that. But see, I can do it on the upside just as well. Here we go.
06:35
S0
There you go. Who says that isn't available all the time?
06:43
S0
You're at the party, guys.
06:47
S0
Then take the party to the bathroom. Take ten minutes and come on back and we'll do a couple exercises with this.
06:57
S0
Any questions about what we've just talked about?
07:01
S2
I didn't understand a single word she said. He's referring to a song that Jerry just played for the group.
07:09
S0
Do like me to repeat it?
07:10
S2
No. I don't blame you.
07:15
S2
I don't think in my whole life I ever heard a song, any kind, that I understood the words of. I got a problem. I think I've only got two. You talk about seven plus or minus two. I've only got two.
07:24
S0
You've got the two?
07:27
S2
No, only
07:27
S0
two. Right. I got it. You've got the two, we got the seven. Do you hear things in your own head?
07:38
S2
I can hear you. Yes.
07:40
S0
Okay.
07:42
S0
So did you watch what just happened? What just happened? Yes. So I said, did you hear do you hear anything in your head? And he goes like this.
07:55
S0
So it's not a question of having less than seven plus or minus two, it's a question of it going where it goes. Think of consciousness as a flashlight. Been outdoors at night with a flashlight?
08:12
S2
Yes.
08:13
S0
Try focusing the flashlight over here and looking over here.
08:21
S0
It doesn't matter how fast you move, if you're coordinating it, you won't perceive much and that's what you're doing. That's a great, just an incredible technique to not be threatened but all the time.
08:42
S0
Some of you have some of you are threatened more at sometimes than others. If you were threatened all the time, you'd never be threatened because it would disappear.
08:56
S0
Hi.
09:01
S0
Repeat after me, please.
09:05
S0
Hi. No. Repeat after me please.
09:08
S2
Repeat after me please.
09:10
S0
And then. Then. Go onward. Go onward. With all sorts of other things.
09:16
S2
With all sorts of other things.
09:18
S0
Do you know that most people in the room
09:21
S2
You know that most other people in the room Oops.
09:25
S0
Couldn't do this.
09:27
S2
Couldn't do this.
09:31
S0
They wouldn't be able to you relax. They wouldn't be able to repeat what I'm saying exactly. They would alter it.
09:42
S0
You were repeating what I was saying, thus I know you were hearing what I was saying. If the song is on, you don't hear it necessarily. True?
09:54
S0
I mean, that's what you're saying.
09:57
S2
I hear the sound of voices, but I don't hear the words. That's been true since I've been a little kid.
10:06
S0
It's a blessing. I mean, number of you that would be really a positive maneuver and yet weive got to now have him learn to listen to the words. So how good are you at what you do?
10:19
S2
Very good.
10:20
S0
Tell us a little about it please.
10:23
S2
I'm a rocket scientist working on the space shuttle and I do my job very well.
10:30
S0
What do you do? Give us a little more idea, please.
10:36
S2
I do structural analysis on the propulsion system.
10:42
S2
Does that help any?
10:43
S0
Keep going. Don't worry about losing us, Tom.
10:46
S2
I
10:46
S0
Lose us, please.
10:48
S2
Okay. I keep it from blowing up and falling out of the sky.
10:51
S0
Yeah. You didn't lose us there. Lose us a little bit. Lose us. Tell us what you do. Forget about us and just talk about what you do like we know.
11:02
S2
What I do is I make computer models of the engine and the pumps, and I make them run on my computer, and I watch them day after day. How
11:14
S0
do you go about making the model?
11:17
S2
Very tediously with a mouse and a keyboard.
11:23
S0
Raise your hand if you can imagine doing this.
11:28
S0
Look around and look at him.
11:34
S0
So I grew up with this.
11:37
S2
To a large yes.
11:39
S0
No. I grew up with.
11:41
S2
I grew up with. If
11:45
S0
you keep copycatting me, I'm gonna get really angry here, Tom.
11:48
S2
That's fine. Yeah. I'll send you, of course. Okay.
11:51
S0
I grew up with a whole bunch of musicians around. My father played in the Chicago Symphony and thus we had musicians around who were perhaps the best at playing some particular instrument better than anybody else in the world. Chicago Symphony is a very well known symphony. This isn't the Des Moines Symphony. This is the Chicago Symphony, Dick.
12:18
S0
Dick, this isn't Cedar High School band.
12:23
S0
It's the Chicago Symphony.
12:25
S1
I coordinated marching band work for nineteen years ago.
12:29
S0
You'd have to have flat terrain. Otherwise, the marchers fall down or listen to the music, and either one is deadly in the case of marching bands.
12:45
S0
Oh, you have worked on this for a long time. So
12:51
S0
we had these people around who are gifted at their instrument and who have worked on only that to the exclusion of almost everything else. They can't walk across the street or at least they have a difficult time walking across the street. It's a long way across that street.
13:14
S0
So what you've done is you've specialized in one particular area and now the question is, are you going to expand out and do some different areas or not? One of my favorite people for peculiarity when I was growing up was a friend of my father's named Len.
13:38
S0
Len knew,
13:42
S0
and this is a matter of priority, Len knew every recording
13:51
S0
of Beethoven's ninth symphony.
13:57
S0
I'm talking everyone. He could tell you the label. He could tell you who it conducted. He could tell you what year. He could tell do you have any idea how many of these there are? Well, it's thousands. Thousands and thousands and thousands. And he knows most of the other recordings of most of the other Beethoven symphonies.
14:20
S0
I'm not talking he could say, oh, yeah, that's Beethoven's third.
14:26
S0
I'm saying he could tell you that was the Netherlands Philharmonic version done in 1983 with so and so being first violin. And shortly after that, he left to
14:42
S0
and the problem is that they put the microphone here when they should have had it there. That's why you're missing some of this in it. And he could do that by listening
14:53
S0
to less than a minute of the of the record. All records, no CDs, just records. He had stacks of records, all Beethoven.
15:06
S0
The idea of somebody came out with a new recording or he uncovered some old recording, and he's listening to nuances that you can't believe exist
15:19
S0
in these recordings. And he was a fruitcake
15:26
S0
to talk to him and expect three words to make sense in a row.
15:31
S0
And he was a father, more or less.
15:39
S0
So you've got a specialty, and yet you're here. Did did you I'm afraid that Fred might have told you that this was about rocket science.
15:51
S2
He made a big pitch.
15:57
S0
Do you guys get it? He's funny. Did you know this? Yeah. Okay. He's funny and really, really smart.
16:07
S0
And it's in one domain. Now my question is, what would it take to have him generalize it? Because he can do this in one area.
16:19
S0
What would it take to have him be able to do it in any area? In other words, get a little bit of data in another area and just play it out that way. What if it didn't have to be sequential learning about this?
16:36
S0
We haven't gotten any calls yet. Jackie spent a little time massaging Bill Moyer's shoulders and she said, please call Jerry, or have someone call Jerry if you run into somebody who has a problem in their field of expertise because he'll take a few minutes, he'll listen to what they have to say and he'll tell them the solution.
16:58
S0
What if you could generalize it and not have to just have it be about rocket science, although that is really a good thing to do nowadays since it fits so well in our culture to say youire a rocket scientist.
17:14
S0
And youire going to generalize it a lot out of this course and I think youive been generalizing it more out of the other courses youive done with us. Is that yeah. It's a pretty big world, isn't it?
17:28
S0
What did you you went with Peggy over to Europe to see what?
17:31
S2
We went to Barcelona.
17:37
S2
And it was a whirlwind trip. It was four days. It was great. And
17:41
S0
What did you go for? Just
17:44
S2
on impulse.
17:46
S0
Come on. What did you go for? Fun. Didn't you go to see something in particular?
17:54
S2
Yes. I want to see the
17:57
S0
So you got to work to get the information. You get it? Now if I had a one to one rate, reciprocity rate, we'd never get any of this. The one to one wouldn't find out that Tom's even there because he's saying don't go any further with this. And I'm going, yes. And what did you?
18:18
S2
I'm pleased that you asked, but I don't know what to do with it.
18:22
S0
Well, we'll find out what you do.
18:23
S2
Okay. We
18:24
S0
Both of us will find out, and maybe even the rest will notice too.
18:29
S2
We went to see Anton Gowdy's cathed unfinished cathedral unfinished cathedral of the sacred family, which is incredibly ornate and impressive. And mainly, yeah, his works, which are all over the city.
18:49
S2
And we saw Christopher Columbus monument,
18:54
S2
and we saw a little Spanish Mediterranean beach that was very charming and wonderful even in February.
19:02
S2
Just worked out wonderfully well.
19:06
S0
I I had a good trip. Anybody else?
19:13
S0
How many of your friends have gone there to see whoever it was as
19:18
S2
Anton Gaudi? That's where the word gaudi comes from. I Oh.
19:23
S2
Yeah. Yeah. It means excessively, obscenely ornate. So
19:29
S0
if you don't have a high enough reciprocity rate, you won't find out this kind of stuff.
19:39
S0
You'll go away and you'll say something wrong about them. Could have done that here, couldn't we? Yeah. Mhmm. Anything
19:51
S0
else? Yes. Go ahead.
19:58
S0
I know something about rockets that you may not know. Are you curious? I was just
20:07
S0
down in Houston and we went out windsurfing to this place which took us by what is it in Houston?
20:17
S2
Johnson Space Center.
20:18
S0
Yeah. Johnson Space Center. That's where they got Johnson from, for Johnson and Johnson. And
20:33
S2
Blay Blayney Bird Johnson.
20:35
S0
Her too.
20:38
S0
And that guy who we think shot the president. He was there that day, wasn't he? Yeah. Are you sure? We went by Johnson Space Center, and I learned something really important about rockets.
20:55
S2
I'm all ears.
21:05
S0
Anything else?
21:08
S2
What did you learn that was very important about space rockets?
21:16
S2
I request that you tell me about what you are.
21:20
S0
You guys watching him shift his reciprocity rate.
21:25
S0
He wants to know. So he's willing to go way out of his comfort zone and keep asking.
21:31
S2
I'm way out.
21:34
S0
This is what now I want you to notice you right now. What
21:41
S0
is one person going out of their reciprocity rate do for you? Look at Karen.
21:49
S0
That's what'll happen as you get more sensitive.
21:54
S0
It will touch you so deeply and what are you here for? I don't mean here, I mean on earth, if not to be touched so deeply all the time and not protected at all. Here it is. There are some really big ones.
22:19
S0
I was amazed. It was really big. And then there were some smaller ones. So there are different sizes of rockets.
22:30
S0
Now, I would extrapolate that in the ungrounded arena to suspect that in the larger ones you could fit bigger things.
22:40
S0
But that it also probably takes more to lift them off. I would suspect that the larger ones are heavier and I'm not sure. Be careful. Stretching. They're really big. Some of them. I don't mean like big like this building. I mean like really big.
23:02
S0
Like enough to threaten a man.
23:11
S0
I mean, if you looked at one for long and then looked around,
23:18
S0
you could get yourself in trouble. Those things are really big. Do you design or play around with things on the big ones?
23:26
S2
Yes. Wow. The space shuttle is among the very biggest rocket.
23:33
S0
How tall?
23:35
S2
On a good day. Feet.
23:40
S0
A 170 feet tall. Okay. Anything else? Did you like my fact? Did you like my fact about size? Have you heard that one before? Did you already know that?
23:56
S2
No. I said that's very good intuitive.
24:02
S2
No. No. What you said about the bigger ones take more to lift them off is true and it's almost a constant ratio.
24:13
S2
You said the
24:13
S0
thrust Explain to me constant ratio.
24:15
S2
Well, if you said that the thrust is roughly one and a half times the weight, you'd be correct for nearly all the rockets. That's the ratio, the proportion.
24:26
S0
Okay.
24:27
S2
It's like the two to one or the 10 to one, one thousand to one. For rockets, it's one and a half to one.
24:32
S0
Okay. I have a question for you.
24:34
S2
Yes.
24:36
S0
What percentage of the liftoff power is required to liftoff the stuff that powers it?
24:49
S2
Probably around 90%. 90% of the lift off weight is propellant.
24:54
S0
Okay, so about 10%?
24:56
S2
Is Just few percent of that is payload.
25:01
S0
Okay. So maybe a couple percent? I
25:06
S0
wish we could catch on that the space program gave us all kinds of benefits other than putting some idiot on the moon. You guys know that, right? We did a really stupid thing. We said we're going to prove ourselves by putting somebody on the moon, so we put all kinds of money just into putting somebody on the moon, whereas if we had gone at it very differently and made sequential steps instead of leaping out ahead, the space program would have given us more Velcros and more all kinds of things rather than just dead ending because who was interested once we had somebody on the moon? The whole marketing move died off
25:51
S0
and if they had moved along slowly, they could have used those funds and done make sense?
25:57
S2
Thatis acknowledged within the appeal. Thatis what happened.
26:02
S0
Yeah. I figured it out. Okay.
26:10
S0
Thanks.
26:12
S0
And don't worry about what you don't understand of what you hear because you know you get the tapes. And you also know it doesn't matter.
26:22
S0
It doesn't matter if you understand what I say.
26:26
S0
It doesn't make any difference to you getting the course. But you need to expend as much effort as you possibly can in understanding what I say because that will get the mechanism up here going. Any laziness doesn't work.
26:45
S0
So you need to attend as much as you possibly can. In other words, your attention here and then back in there when you have to and then out here and then back in there. That will produce the results of the course, not the words.
27:01
S0
Okay? Thanks. What else? It's a hard act to follow unless you're I'm from New
27:15
S0
trying to break Fred of saying Jerry. You know, it's like he's trying to sell me something.
27:26
S0
We we meet in the morning. He says, oh, good morning, Jerry.
27:33
S0
Yeah. I didn't think you forgot my name.
27:38
S0
Yeah. Good morning.
27:41
S5
Morning. How
27:47
S5
are you? Fine. And you?
27:49
S0
Fine. And you?
27:56
S5
If at any given moment, your seven pluses minus two, they're filled overwhelmed, is there a simple exercise that you can do right there and then to shift it, to empty it? Can you do it just by giving attention out?
28:16
S0
Yes. There are thousands of things you can do at that point. The main thing you need is a philosophical groundwork for the whole thousand things you do is in the threshold tapes. This is what those are about. What happens is you have the seven plus or minus two that you can fill. When those are filled, you're you're gone.
28:43
S0
At that point in time, the essential act that you need to do, Dick, is you need to make finer distinctions. You need to split things into smaller pieces. It would make sense to make them into bigger pieces for the sake of clearing out some of the seven plus or minus two. In fact, rather than generalize, you need to split things into smaller pieces. What Meaning? Whatever is filling your seven plus or minus two.
29:22
S5
And how do how do you split them?
29:24
S0
By making a distinction. By distinguishing between you right now and you a moment ago and viewing those two as absolutely distinct and discovering what the differences are between them. This is subtlety. The answer to dealing with the seven plus or minus two is subtlety. You have to split it into smaller pieces. When you have a problem which you always have if your seven plus or minus two is full, you generalize. Me? Yes. And many people in the room. Oh, you always do this. You do this. This is what you do.
30:14
S0
You generalize. Right. You need to look at how what they're doing right now is different than how they've ever done it before. That's splitting it into smaller pieces.
30:24
S5
So what
30:25
S0
Because the smaller the piece, the less meaning can hide in it.
30:36
S0
And the less meaning can hide in it, the meaning is the glue that sticks these things together. The less meaning can hide in it, the less meaning you're stuck with. And when you're overloaded, it's the beautiful moment of life. It's the incredible moment of life. It's the moment at which you get to distinguish something that you couldn't distinguish before. Let me give you an example. We're sitting at the table. Judy Forio is sitting there yesterday, and she's been having kind of fun at the table and playing with the people and all of this stuff. And then she looks over at Judy Bates and says, we're gonna have to figure out how, when we're gonna get together to go down to get she's entirely changed personalities in order to converse about the logistics. She's gone from this happy carefree person who's talking about whatever to talking about a life or death situation in which they have to plan this out. If I don't notice that she's changed like that, I wouldn't know to interact with her differently.
31:48
S0
Kathy shows up at the house first thing on when she shows up on Wednesday, she's so upset, she's so overwhelmed, she has no room for anything.
32:01
S0
Nothing. She's just absolutely loaded. Her seven plus or minus two is concreted in.
32:12
S0
What is the likelihood she knows this?
32:16
S0
What I'm saying is you have to distinguish this dick out here or you won't be able to distinguish it in here, and you'll be stuck with all kinds of meaning. And you can't afford that meaning. You have to look at Peter and you have to distinguish little subtle changes in him that you can celebrate. Changes so small that you never could have seen him before. If he's awful with one of your daughters one moment, you have to be able to distinguish out something, some way in which he's wonderful and see the awful too and move around because then the meaning disappears. You can't live with meaning. You can just die with meaning.
33:06
S0
Meaning you hold between yourself and everybody. At that moment that you're seven plus or minus two, you gotta notice it first, which is the hard thing. You gotta notice that you're stuck. You gotta notice that you're full of it. And then you gotta go, what around here have I not split into a small enough unit so that it doesn't stick me and get stuck in here and get all bogged down?
33:35
S5
Okay. Can you stop right there, please?
33:38
S5
No. I'm I'm I'm getting it, but I want I want to know, but to be able to put it into practice so you're saying whatever my whatever the stimulus is that I'm overwhelmed by if everything is full is to break it down and split it up. Like, can I give you an example? Like, my my daughter, my youngest daughter whining and crying. Instead of generalizing that and saying, oh, she's driving me crazy, split it in two and and say, oh, she may be crying because her diaper's wet. No.
34:10
S0
It's not splitting it in two. You wanna move laterally. You've gotta split it in two. You've gotta split it into pieces. If you split it into pieces vertically, you'll discover she's not crying all the time.
34:30
S0
You've just lost the future, lost the past, and the only thing that it is is that she's crying and it's gotta end.
34:43
S0
And you're gone. And all she wants you is there. You need to attend to what are her lips doing.
34:54
S0
What is her head doing?
34:56
S5
Oh, so it What is to her and not what I'm feeling?
35:00
S0
Yes. Get your attention out of yourself because you're already overloaded. Of what use are you when you're overloaded? This is one of the things that people have had to do with us regarding our kids if they're around. Kids, you know, trip or fall or bang their heads and stuff like this. You have to instantly you have to have your seven plus or minus two. You it's it it wants to be full of what you've just observed. Let's say the kid falls and skins their knee.
35:33
S0
You have to empty it. You have to practice getting back to zero so often that you can go right back to zero in this crisis, but you have to practice it. You really have to practice this when the heat's not on. You have to practice it your whole life when it's not tough. You calibrate back to zero and you instantly observe, not your upset. Because I mean, you didn't want them to fall and skin their knee. You'd rather anything in the world happened than that almost. You have to observe them and find out if it's a serious problem.
36:10
S0
And if it is a serious problem, you must take care of it. And if it is not a serious problem, you must give it no more attention than you were giving right before it. Otherwise, you have just reinforced the lizard in them that scraped themself.
36:29
S0
You have no idea what a call to flexibility children are for you. This is Judson. I don't know how old he was. I don't know history well. But he banged his head on the side of the door. I mean, like, banged it right here. Remember I said Emily hurt herself once in four years?
36:55
S0
I didn't say that about Judson, did I? So
36:59
S0
he banged his head and I'm talking it is instantaneously like this far out. Unbelievable. Just huge. And I sat and I cuddled him on the bed and I held him and I rocked him and he wept and Iim sitting there and Iim just holding him and he wasnit that small, I mean he was decent sized. And I'm holding him and I'm just holding everything together. And I'm taking care of him and I'm letting him know it's okay and I'm letting him know it's gonna be fine. And Jackie's saying, we gotta call the doctor. So So now my seven plus or minus two has to have room for this and that. I said, we don't call the doctor. What's the doctor going to do? The doctor is not going to do anything. I'm holding him.
37:45
S0
So I hold him through the whole event and he comes out okay and the swelling goes down in a few days and there he is.
37:55
S0
About two years later he falls off his dresser, he hits his head right at the same spot, blows out like this,
38:07
S0
I'm lying on my bed being cradled by him. I'm weeping uncontrollably. Same exact situation, completely different response. He's not crying at all, but his head is swollen out to hear unbelievably and he's taking care of his father.
38:32
S0
Same precise stimulus, totally different response. What does he learn from this?
38:41
S0
Whatever he wants rather than something in particular.
38:47
S0
Did I connive to operate totally differently? No, I grew in between.
38:56
S0
Is one better than the other? No, but I grew in between.
39:02
S0
I have a little preference for the me crying and him cuddling me.
39:12
S0
And you gotta use this stuff. We were on our way down to lead a workshop in Atlanta, pulled into my parents' place on the way down. They live about three hours south of where we used to live, and then we've got a like a eighteen hour drive from there. We pull up right where they made a mistake and the gutter leaks down on the blacktop. It's sheer ice, I had no idea. I step out, I fall, I whack my arm, I black out. I end up for about the next two hours being held by my mother as I weep. This was about three years ago. Four years ago? Three years ago I'm held by my mother as I weep. Now this time I did take advantage of the opportunity. I looked at what was here and I went, could there be a better chance to be held by my mother as I weep? And it hurt. I mean, I can still show you scars.
40:18
S0
How would you like to be held as you weep and then held as you laugh?
40:25
S0
All of it. You think this hurt her?
40:30
S0
I don't think so. It's what she's here for. It's what you're here for. What you're here for isn't to take care of you in that moment. It's to get your attention out and make a distinction that deepens them as a human being and yourself as well. But it's got to be vertical. It can't be horizontal.