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Illusion Conclusion
Jerry Stocking
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Post-IC: Assertions & Declarations 1
Post-IC: Assertions & Declarations 1
IC_PostAD1
1:13:44
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← Tape 16 – Side B
Post-IC: Assertion… →
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Transcript
674 utterances · click to jump
00:05
S0
There's there's a fairly predominant illusion that we have that somehow you could speak and clarify something.
00:15
S0
The linguists typically know better than that.
00:20
S0
Theyill let you know that maybe 5% of the speaking is about what youire saying, and 95% is all kinds of other variables connected with it. But letis say that speaking is 5% of the communication. Suffering
00:40
S0
is about 95% caused by language.
00:48
S0
So if it's 5% of the value and 95% of the trauma, something's off a little bit. So the language that we're going to do is not going to probably catapult you into the upside, but it is going to relieve the downside.
01:06
S0
You with me? Mhmm. The IC has nothing to do with what I say.
01:14
S0
That doesn't mean I don't talk a lot, but it wouldn't matter if I spoke or not. It would make no difference. Well,
01:23
S0
the speaking makes it
01:28
S0
less deep.
01:31
S0
If I just came in here and sat for five days, we would go much deeper.
01:38
S0
I haven't got what it takes to do that yet, And I'm not fully convinced you do either. So we talk so that we can be sort of entertained while the work is going on underneath the surface.
01:56
S0
Four things you can do when you speak.
02:02
S0
Promise, request, assertion,
02:09
S0
or declaration.
02:14
S0
All of your speaking is one of those or some combination of those.
02:22
S0
That's what you've got. You've got four phrases. You got promises. You got requests. You got assertions. You got declarations. That's it. This is from Fernando Flores, the former, finance minister of Chile during the Allende government, who is also a linguist, who also does some really cool deep work. But he came over to our country from Chile and watched us
02:51
S0
from a removed position and teased out all kinds of he says, we're a nation of cowboys.
03:02
S0
Lots of interesting observations from Fernando about our culture. But one of them was that these are the four phrases you can do. He then designed a software to be used in companies. It was called the coordinator that forced interoffice communications into these four forms.
03:25
S0
And nobody wanted it because,
03:31
S0
among other things, I donit think they discovered this, but it became very obvious
03:36
S0
that people depend on the inaccuracies. It allows them to justify not liking somebody in the office. It allows them to get out of heavily falling objects or balance sheets.
03:51
S1
Mhmm. It allows them to shirk responsibility. It allows them to point the finger. It allows them
04:00
S0
they didn't want to clarify communication because, among other things, that would clarify who they are in interactions. So it didn't sell very well and died a fairly rapid death. It was really a cool idea. But the problem is in the workplace, we donit want to bridge the gap between finding out who you are and business. We want to pretend that business is somehow separate from that. This brought you right back to who you are.
04:32
S1
So
04:35
S0
that's where
04:38
S0
I then went off and used these in my own way. So you got Fernando's part, and he's been credited with it. Now here I am.
04:56
S0
Who's listened to the language part on the tapes? Who? And who hasn't? Of the IC core? Yeah. We're standard language stuff that we do. You're familiar with it.
05:11
S0
So That wasn't to the
05:12
S2
IC course, so it had the language stuff. Right?
05:15
S0
Did it? I don't know.
05:16
S2
It had some. It had some.
05:17
S0
It had some. Yeah. K.
05:21
S0
I request that you sell that to Joe.
05:33
S0
Now question. What did you just do?
05:37
S3
I turned around.
05:39
S0
Yeah. But you did more than that. I started to prepare. Yes. Why?
05:50
S3
To
05:53
S3
figure out how to achieve the objective.
05:56
S0
Yeah. You
05:59
S0
in in the process of that, you kill everything and yourself. You went inside you. Yes? Mhmm. Mhmm. Which is terrain that most of us are not very comfortable with. Mhmm. So you went inside you. You slaughtered all of them. They didn't even exist Mhmm. Because you're busy with what you got going on over here. Yeah.
06:24
S0
I'm I'm not picking on you here Right. Because that's not unusual. Mhmm. That's most people here would do that, some version of that. My question for you is, what good does it do you?
06:39
S0
I say it's superstitious at best. And it in no way helps anything because the sale isn't gonna take place inside you.
06:50
S0
But you went inside you.
06:54
S0
The sale is gonna take place somewhere between the two of you, yet you
07:03
S0
just abandoned him.
07:06
S0
What would happen if I let's try it again.
07:12
S0
Ray,
07:14
S0
sell this to Joe. Don't go in. Look right over at him.
07:18
S3
Joe, I've got this.
07:19
S0
Right? Don't even start talking right away. Look right over at him.
07:27
S0
How is that without having gone in first?
07:30
S3
Feels better.
07:31
S0
Yeah. It's okay, isn't
07:32
S3
it? Yeah.
07:33
S0
How much of that going in first do you do in a day?
07:36
S3
All the time. Yeah. Yeah.
07:39
S0
Oh, I how many I've you you've been tithing to that probably for years and years and years and years, and I say it's never done you one whit of good. Never even once has it done you one whit of good. Did
07:57
S0
you miss it?
07:59
S3
No.
08:01
S0
It's been there over and over and over again, thousands and thousands of times, many times a day, and you just didn't do it, and you didn't miss it. Weird. What do you figure else you do? Superstitious.
08:17
S0
All day long. All of you. All of us. It's stunning, isn't it?
08:25
S0
You go, no. You don't understand. I gotta go inside first. Didn't even know I went inside first. I just automatedly went inside first. That's what you do.
08:36
S0
Well, is that a necessary step in the building of a house? Hold on. Before I build a house, you don't understand. First of all, I go over and I run around a tree three times and go, then
08:50
S0
I start building. Why do you do that? Do what? What
08:59
S0
do you mean? Oh, there's a girl over there I really find attractive. What do I do first? First, I tell myself I'm a schmuck,
09:09
S0
and I wouldn't have a chance. And then I run every bit of rejection I've ever gotten from any woman in my life. And then I run, what will my mom think of her? And then I run, do you think she'd go to bed with me? And if so, do you think it would do you think she's safe? And by the time I've really stoked myself up, then I'm ready to go over and get rejected so that I can fulfill all the dreams I've got inside. Yeah. You you aware of doing this? Mhmm. How often? I don't know. Over and all. And not just I I don't mean just in that context. In almost every context, you have this profoundly limited number of things that you do superstitiously
09:59
S0
that cement in you not being there. We all have it, and we have our own kind. We have our own what kind of a beating do you give yourself right before you every time? I wouldn't even recognize it if I didn't do it.
10:20
S0
You know, they they become like writing your name on your hands so you can remember who you are.
10:26
S0
Had a therapist who every time they do therapy, he goes like this. I could always tell his clients.
10:34
S0
Because they were doing that. I moved his head to to straight. He couldn't come up with anything to say. Honest to goodness, you think I'm making this up. He couldn't come up with anything to say. I moved his head back. He started talking. Moved it up. Nothing to say. Moved it back. He started talking again.
10:55
S0
Thank goodness we're not automated. Okay.
11:03
S0
Sell Joe that marker, would you?
11:06
S3
Joe, I've got this great marker.
11:09
S0
Hey.
11:14
S3
Think you would really enjoy using it. Would you like to have this marker? It's only 5¢.
11:25
S0
So we got one request, one assertion, and one declaration.
11:31
S1
When?
11:32
S0
Now. Oops. We better
11:40
S0
that's Joe.
11:44
S3
Can I have more than one? I've only got one.
11:50
S3
What can the one do? The one can write for you in beautiful purple thick writing.
11:59
S0
How long does it last?
12:01
S3
It lasts I don't know how long it lasts.
12:04
S0
What are you trying to sell?
12:08
S3
Possibility.
12:09
S0
Are you? Great. Looked like you were trying to sell a marker.
12:16
S0
But, also, he was gonna do something really tricky here that the salesman try when they get desperate, which is being honest. Yeah.
12:25
S2
Only under
12:27
S0
great duress. When you're really screwed
12:30
S2
and you think there's no way you're gonna make
12:32
S0
the sale, you'll you'll be honest. Even if it means looking at them and say, you dickhead, suck my dick. You
12:40
S0
don't even look like you can afford my product. I'm leaving. Whatever.
12:45
S0
So now we've got an exchange of requests and promises. Mhmm. Okay? Keep going. Thanks.
12:52
S0
So
12:55
S2
are there any other possibility than than than writing?
12:58
S0
Another request. Yes. You can. If you have if you want Do you know that if he makes a request, you don't have to answer?
13:08
S0
True. Do you think what you're gonna say next is gonna further him buying?
13:23
S0
Or are you just responding because he made a request?
13:26
S3
Responding because he made a request.
13:29
S0
That's slavery. Yeah. What if you didn't have to respond just because he made a request?
13:39
S3
I might not sell the marker.
13:41
S0
But you already might not sell the marker. True. And now you get to not respect yourself in the process because you're being a a response to his stimulus. Mhmm. You started out as a stimulus when you're presenting the marker to him. He's now the stimulus. Mhmm. Because he's throwing out questions, and you're responding like a lizard. You're you're backpedaling to attempt to find whatever you can say Mhmm. To get him to buy the marker. You aren't doing it for fun, are you? You interested in this question?
14:20
S0
Let's just show a different way. So here's the marker. Wanna buy it now?
14:26
S2
Why now?
14:28
S2
Now.
14:31
S2
But what else can I do besides whatever you say?
14:35
S0
Would you like to buy it now?
14:37
S2
How much?
14:40
S0
See, he wants to run the game, and you turn the game into look at
14:44
S2
him. Yeah.
14:50
S0
I'll take it. Now he's now he's starting to find out about himself. You were gonna make sure he didn't find out anything about himself because he's gonna make it about the marker, and he's gonna make you keep responding. Mhmm. And then you exit, and you go, I don't really like sales. Have you ever said that?
15:05
S3
Oh, yeah.
15:06
S0
This is why.
15:11
S0
You don't like sales because you end up being run by the other human being, and then you need a shower, and you're dirty, and you don't like it, and you wet yourself, and it it was it's awful. Yes? Yeah. It's because you think that you let them run it. I don't wanna run it. I just don't want him to run that scam on me, and I'm not willing. I'd rather just be here with him, and we'll find out where the marker shows up. And you got that really quickly.
15:42
S2
Oh, yeah.
15:42
S0
Yeah.
15:43
S2
Yeah. Because I knew I could run him with the with the request continually.
15:46
S0
Absolutely.
15:49
S0
And will he be able to do that tonight if he kinda sneakily comes up to you and starts running you with requests, or will you notice? One of the things you wanna notice is that you weren't having any fun.
16:02
S0
See that? Mhmm. Where were you?
16:05
S0
Responding. Yeah. Constantly. That's a big difference. Yeah. And the the Exchange. The jig was up.
16:14
S2
The jig was up.
16:15
S0
It was Yeah. Yeah. That that You got me and then I That was not gonna work. It was great. Yeah. And and that fast.
16:21
S3
Yeah. It was it was
16:22
S0
very fast. Yes.
16:27
S0
Presence trumps everything.
16:30
S0
Let's be present together and find out where the marker goes.
16:35
S0
And then we got a game. Feel it start to show up in the room?
16:43
S0
Got a guy in Denver who's putting together a sales course. We're gonna do a sales course for 10 people. $3,000 for a Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. Wow. We're gonna play with how to be there and have your body and do sales just for fun. He's picking one person from each from a number of industries so we don't have them competing with each other.
17:08
S0
Get the difference? Yeah. Yeah. But look at you have a partner. Yes?
17:15
S3
Yes. Mhmm. Yes.
17:16
S0
Every interaction with your partner is a sale. If you think it's easier because you have because they're your partner, it's the other way around. That's much harder. Somebody who you don't give it about is easier. With your partner, it's much harder. All all you got how hard is it to sell yourself? Mhmm. Mhmm. That's the hardest one.
17:43
S0
And you some part of you goes, no. It really isn't. Because I sell myself all the time. Well, sell yourself something positive about yourself.
17:55
S0
You're gonna soon look like you got it beaten.
17:58
S0
Follow?
18:03
S0
It's all sales. If you're speaking, it's sales. If you're there with somebody, it's sales.
18:13
S0
It's all sales. There's no way around it. And you jump into the responding thing, and you're gone.
18:21
S0
Your turn. So in other words, I request that you sell her a marker now.
18:27
S2
I request you buy this marker now.
18:30
S4
No. Thank you. Thanks.
18:37
S0
What are looking at me for? You think I'm gonna buy it?
18:39
S2
She said no.
18:40
S0
Yeah. She said no what?
18:43
S2
No. Thanks.
18:44
S0
Yeah. What does that mean?
18:46
S2
That means the end of the sale.
18:47
S0
Oh, it does?
18:48
S2
I think it does. Okay.
18:51
S0
So you make a declaration that it's the end. It's the end. K. That's a declaration. She declares it over. K?
19:06
S0
Now look at her and say, how about now?
19:09
S4
How about now? No. Thanks.
19:14
S0
I can swear you say thanks.
19:16
S2
Thanks.
19:16
S0
Because otherwise, you're you're slamming her. Thanks. So was she closer or further away?
19:24
S0
Closer? Yeah. Yeah. She was closer that time. So she's one that egg you on a little bit.
19:33
S0
How many of you could tell she was closer? It's the same words, but she was closer.
19:42
S0
That doesn't mean
19:46
S0
See, now if you go, she was closer. I'm on the right track. Here I go. You're responding again that fast.
19:57
S2
I request that
19:58
S0
you buy this more. Yeah. You that's great. And you can do that again. You can say
20:04
S0
could just back off that track for a moment, and you could say,
20:12
S0
I I really thought you might want it.
20:17
S0
No? Nope. K.
20:23
S0
Why not?
20:25
S2
I don't know.
20:28
S0
Now we got a dialogue.
20:34
S0
Can you tell? Mhmm. Now we got a conversation. I'm not trying to get her to bite. I don't care about the marker anymore. K. I care about our relationship and our dance. I don't care about the marker. If I keep caring about the marker, we're we can't gain any value in the whole deal.
20:51
S0
We may come back to the marker at some point.
20:57
S2
This is one I have trouble with.
20:59
S0
This is one almost everybody in the world has
21:01
S2
trouble Yeah.
21:04
S2
And this is what I wanna do.
21:06
S0
But it's really cool to say, okay. Thank you when she says no.
21:11
S2
Okay. Thank you.
21:12
S3
You're welcome.
21:14
S0
That that it's really cool to just but that doesn't mean it's done. But that doesn't mean you have to say anything either.
21:24
S2
I got it.
21:29
S0
It doesn't close anything. It what it closed is already in the past.
21:35
S0
I'm not suggesting you'd be a jerk and keep coming on to somebody who's not gonna do anything. I mean, there's not a point in that.
21:43
S2
So from here, I would just go straight to relationship.
21:47
S0
From everywhere, you go straight
21:50
S2
to relationship.
21:50
S0
But I'm I'll say. There is nothing else unless you're selling the marker to yourself. And then that's relationship too.
22:05
S0
So let me tell you what most people would do given a sales context, chance to well,
22:12
S0
sell it to Peggy, please. We got a salesman here. Right? Yeah.
22:16
S2
Yeah. Yeah.
22:18
S1
It doesn't mean anything.
22:24
S2
Peggy, I want you to buy this pen now.
22:28
S0
Really? So what he just did was a declaration.
22:35
S0
He expressed a want in himself.
22:40
S0
Before that, he did a whole salesman shtick.
22:46
S2
Yeah. I
22:49
S0
mean, you see him coming in the door, don't you?
22:51
S2
They yeah.
22:53
S0
It's like pumping oil. The whole stick goes on. You do
22:58
S2
can Yeah. Yeah.
22:59
S0
See that? Uh-huh. Yeah. They they know that as a salesman's gay.
23:09
S0
And they go, I'm about ready to be
23:11
S2
sold. Here I go, going
23:15
S0
down the dunes.
23:18
S0
That that's the way, by the way, you're going in like that, and you're Right. That's the way you diminish yourself Yeah. Prior to
23:27
S1
Yeah.
23:27
S0
An interaction so that you can kind of come at it from below. Mhmm. Not sure what good that does, but I do it myself.
23:37
S2
Peggy, I want you to buy this pin now.
23:40
S0
Again, a declaration about a want in him.
23:44
S2
Really? Yeah. Why?
23:46
S1
Why not?
23:50
S0
So he thinks he's requested that she buy it when, in fact, he's made a declaration about himself.
23:59
S2
I don't think I want to.
24:02
S1
Any reason why not?
24:07
S2
I don't trust you. As
24:10
S0
far as I can
24:12
S2
Oh, you.
24:14
S0
I think you spit.
24:19
S0
Because I don't trust you. Wouldn't it be weird if you had an honest conversation for once?
24:24
S1
Yeah.
24:25
S0
Because I don't trust you.
24:27
S2
Now what do say?
24:28
S0
Let's let's Why not? Let's try it honest for
24:30
S2
once. K.
24:32
S0
Be as honest as you can be, and you be as honest as you can.
24:34
S2
That was.
24:35
S0
This would be I know. But keep it going is what I'm saying.
24:41
S2
Peggy, I want you to buy this pen now.
24:43
S0
He sticks with the declaration.
24:47
S2
I thought I already told you no.
24:51
S1
Any reason why?
24:51
S0
More honest.
24:58
S2
No way.
24:59
S1
Any reason why?
25:00
S0
No. No. No. It's not honest yet.
25:06
S2
I'm kidding, babe.
25:07
S0
I made it clear to you that I don't trust you. I don't wanna talk to you. I don't like you. I don't want any part of this goofy stuff.
25:16
S2
And then you just come. Crack. Just cut it out
25:20
S0
and don't stick with it. You're just like every other stinking salesman I've ever seen. Just cut the crap, you bonehead.
25:29
S0
Something like that. Any doubt I mean, is that okay?
25:33
S2
No. That's and it really pissed me off because it was insulting to me. I felt insulting.
25:41
S0
You have insulted me. That about says it. Yeah. I felt insulted. Insulted me.
25:47
S2
Because I wasn't here.
25:48
S0
I know. Just that's fine. You have insulted me. Okay. And you can add that. Say that say what you're gonna say next. Sorry.
25:59
S0
Because I wasn't here. Explain that.
26:02
S2
You did not hear anything I said.
26:06
S0
You discounted her as a human being by ignoring what she said, by not getting what she said, because you had an itinerary in hand that you cared about more than you cared about her.
26:15
S2
Which is the PIN.
26:17
S0
Does that about work, Peg? Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever met anybody who didn't?
26:22
S2
Who didn't what?
26:26
S0
Got an agenda already that discounted you as a human being very few times.
26:33
S2
Right.
26:33
S0
Yes. And then you get angry. Right. Yes. K.
26:42
S2
Try again.
26:45
S1
Peggy, I know how you feel. I felt the same way before myself.
26:50
S2
This is what they teach them in sales school.
26:52
S0
God. I can't even believe it.
26:54
S1
This is what I This is what
26:56
S2
I think. Can you believe they do to this? Yeah.
27:01
S0
And can you believe that it works just often enough that they keep doing it?
27:08
S0
Nice, though. I like Thanks
27:09
S3
for the job.
27:12
S1
I actually like this pin.
27:15
S0
He's still talking about himself.
27:19
S0
He's a salesman. Do have any pins like this?
27:22
S1
It's up to $50,000.
27:23
S2
Do I have any pins like this?
27:25
S0
Yeah.
27:27
S2
No. I don't, actually.
27:30
S1
Wouldn't you like to see this with the set that you have?
27:33
S2
What planet are you on?
27:39
S0
Planet sales. Shit.
27:44
S2
Do you know what I just said?
27:46
S1
You don't like the pin?
27:47
S0
No. She doesn't like you.
27:52
S0
I I would be leaving about now. Like you.
27:58
S0
I got no problem with the pen.
28:00
S2
That's not it. That's not it.
28:02
S0
If I was convinced you would leave, I might even buy it.
28:07
S2
That's true.
28:11
S2
Okay. I said, I don't have any pens like this. And then you told me that I wanted one to go with my set. Where did the heck come from?
28:20
S2
Again, I wasn't here.
28:24
S1
I don't think you're gonna buy this pin.
28:27
S2
That's a pretty good bet.
28:34
S0
So fall apart.
28:35
S2
Yeah.
28:36
S0
No. So fall apart.
28:40
S0
There are experiences that go along with this that you're refusing to feel.
28:44
S2
Mhmm. Feel them.
28:46
S1
Yeah.
28:48
S0
That way, every every sale
28:50
S1
I I feel her anger. I feel
28:52
S0
What about yours?
28:55
S1
It's not quite a thing. It's more feeling rejected and feeling like, you know, what am I gonna say?
29:00
S0
Well, feel that. Yeah.
29:07
S2
Funny. That's what I feel. Did
29:12
S0
you hear what she just said?
29:13
S1
Funny. That's what I feel.
29:14
S0
Do you know what she meant? He has not a clue.
29:18
S2
Mm-mm. This is not anger.
29:23
S0
I know. Never was.
29:32
S0
So he just missed that too.
29:35
S2
Yeah.
29:36
S0
Yeah.
29:39
S0
And he isn't that different than your husband.
29:43
S2
Yeah. Yeah.
29:46
S2
Mhmm. This is somewhat familiar feeling. Yeah.
29:59
S0
So what you need to get is that you're missing
30:02
S2
A lot. Yeah.
30:03
S0
What's here.
30:04
S1
Right.
30:06
S0
That's okay. Just experience missing what's here.
30:10
S2
Mhmm.
30:12
S0
You didn't hear me.
30:14
S1
I said
30:14
S0
experience what's here.
30:16
S1
Right.
30:17
S0
So miss what's here.
30:19
S1
I'm doing a good job at that.
30:21
S0
No. You're not, because you're not getting that you're missing it. See, I'm inviting him to one layer down. Here, he's missing it. Now I'm inviting him to perceive really that he's missing it.
30:39
S0
You're being very brave, by the way. Congratulations. This is very uncomfortable. It ain't easy.
30:43
S1
Very uncomfortable.
30:44
S0
Yeah. Life is very uncomfortable.
30:50
S0
Sales is as close to life as you can get. I
30:57
S1
I don't know where to go with that.
31:01
S0
Yeah. How about putting all of your attention over into her?
31:06
S0
Because she's getting it, and you're not.
31:12
S0
And how about as sincerely as you can say, is any way you can help me get it?
31:18
S1
Is there any way you can help me get it?
31:20
S0
No. But mean it. Is that all the sincerity you can muster?
31:23
S1
Is there any way well, when she's
31:26
S0
No. She's gonna
31:28
S0
and she gets it as another con. See, if I look at her and I say, Peggy, is there any way you can help me get it?
31:39
S2
Okay.
31:44
S2
Get you'd like your hand?
31:45
S0
No. I mean no. But I just it was me. Yeah. Now watch. Watch. Okay. Is there any way you can help me get it?
31:56
S0
Now watch. Is there any way you can help me get it?
32:02
S0
Okay.
32:04
S0
Is there any way you can help me get it?
32:10
S2
No.
32:13
S0
What's the difference?
32:25
S0
See, we shouldn't even be allowed to do this. Does anybody have the any idea what the difference is? I
32:30
S3
see any Do want between the decoration or a glass?
32:33
S0
No. No. Went Present. Present. I went between when I every time that I have all of my attention on myself and I say, is there any way you can help me get it? She says, no. Every time that I put my attention over there and say, is there any way you can help me get it?
32:54
S2
She's Right now.
32:55
S0
Right now. Mhmm. Is there any way you can help me get it? Is there any way you can help me get it?
33:02
S2
I I didn't like that one.
33:04
S0
I know. I understand. But you also knew which one it was.
33:09
S2
Yeah. Maybe. That last one got me.
33:14
S0
Yeah. I know. I went further in over there.
33:17
S2
Okay. That makes sense.
33:20
S2
Shit.
33:31
S0
See, we're at the point of what we shouldn't be doing this.
33:34
S2
So that's what's happening to him, though,
33:36
S0
isn't it? Absolutely.
33:37
S2
What's to him. Shit going on. Oh my god. Yeah.
33:41
S0
Keeps the attention over there, and you keep wanting it. So there's no way out of it unless he learns to put his attention over on you or unless you learn to want him to have his attention over on him.
34:01
S0
What if you just wanted this guy to have all of his attention on himself?
34:06
S2
Then I wouldn't care.
34:08
S0
Sure you would. He'd be fulfilling what you wanted. So
34:13
S0
now try it again, and this time you try and have him keep all of his attention on himself.
34:18
S2
Okay. Now one more question. Does that mean I put my attention on him too?
34:22
S0
No. You can have your attention on you. Fine. It doesn't matter. Just make sure that he keeps his attention to himself.
34:28
S2
Oh, okay.
34:30
S0
K? So the marker, please.
34:39
S1
Are we even talking about a marker right now?
34:44
S2
You gave me a little attention. That
34:46
S0
was predictable.
34:55
S1
No. About this, or are we talking about us?
34:57
S2
Us. Oh, wow. I
35:07
S0
just want you to know you've you're now over your head.
35:11
S1
I like this feeling better
35:13
S0
than that. Are just absolutely yeah. You're gonna for a little bit until you realize how far over your head you are. And then you're gonna like it even much more.
35:28
S2
Both is my answer.
35:32
S1
What do you mean?
35:38
S2
I mean, it's
35:39
S0
both He wants to know what you mean. But he, in fact, really wanted to know what you mean.
35:45
S1
I do.
35:46
S0
Isn't that weird? Yeah. All we gotta do is have you try and have his attention all on himself, and guess what happens? And that won't work as a formula either. There aren't any formulas for this that work for long.
36:05
S0
The only formula that works is to be present.
36:10
S0
The if you're more present than you were before, then it starts to work.
36:15
S0
But see, now you're in jeopardy of learning about yourself here. Can you tell?
36:18
S1
Yeah. Mhmm.
36:19
S0
It's pretty cool, isn't it?
36:20
S1
But this wouldn't have worked unless she shifted, though.
36:23
S0
Right? It all depends on
36:26
S0
if if you're in relationship, and this this is relationship. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to be it doesn't have to be romantic. It doesn't have to
36:35
S0
almost always, one of the two people is more flexible than the other one. Mhmm. Almost always. One of the other one of the two people has a longer attention span than the other one.
36:44
S3
Right.
36:44
S0
One of the two people needs to be hit before the other one needs to hit. Almost always. So relationship is balancing that stuff out.
36:54
S1
But I didn't feel like this was gonna go anywhere until that shift happened. You know? It wasn't. Right.
37:00
S0
So you just need me there.
37:03
S2
Can you fit in my back pocket?
37:05
S0
No. It I'm expensive. It it it wasn't going to go anywhere until that happened. Right.
37:14
S0
What I'm telling you is there's specific
37:19
S0
technologies to have that happen until you become sufficiently present to just have it happen by your presence alone. Mhmm. And then what happens is you show up in your present and they become more present and the whole thing starts to snowball, always.
37:35
S1
Right.
37:38
S0
And that's a different model of sales. I call it no fault sales.
37:47
S0
It's not the old model where you're scamming the dickens out of them all the time. And there's nothing wrong with the old model except that everybody gets hurt and nobody gets happy.
37:58
S0
And the new model is everybody grows and grows and like crazy.
38:05
S0
It's a big difference, but you can see how it might work.
38:08
S1
Yeah.
38:12
S2
But I just I'm wondering if She's not done with him yet. The question you just asked was
38:20
S2
that that wouldn't happen unless I change unless I shifted. So there for that leaves you powerless. Is that the question you just asked?
38:29
S0
He couldn't shift.
38:30
S1
Yeah. That's what I was saying.
38:31
S0
He was Yeah.
38:32
S1
Stuck. The way
38:33
S0
And he couldn't shift.
38:34
S1
Right. I couldn't have shifted unless I I felt unless you did because it was like
38:40
S0
You're ahead of him in this, and so you're the one who got to do the shift. When you dig in and get stubborn, you say, I'm not doing the shift, and he can't do the shift
38:51
S3
Yeah.
38:51
S0
So we're screwed. Mhmm.
38:58
S0
Okay. The more able one of the two has to do the shift.
39:06
S0
That's the price you pay for being the more able of the two. You want a real relationship,
39:18
S0
you have to play leapfrog.
39:22
S0
You have to play leapfrog so that sometimes he's more able than you and sometimes you're more able than him. It's leapfrog.
39:33
S0
But it takes tremendous bravery
39:40
S0
and presence to play leapfrog. And the longer you are more able than him, without him getting a chance to be more able than you, the more he resents and hates you, and the more you resent and hate him.
39:59
S0
And that's what most relationships are. Or you ignore the resent and hate, and you just all go numb. And you go, what was your name again after thirty years? Because you don't know know him any better than you did before. Anytime you get out of the leap frog thing, you're in absolute deep, deep, deep trouble.
40:32
S0
And you're more able in this regard than him, so he's the only chance he's got is if you shift it.
40:40
S2
And the shift was for me to expect him to keep his attention on himself.
40:44
S0
Want him to.
40:45
S4
Want him to.
40:46
S0
Yeah. Because where you were stuck is you he had all of his attention on himself, and you just wanted his attention. Where's the where's the crossover here? There's no do you get it? There's no common ground in that.
41:00
S2
Well, the and that's the same with my daughter.
41:03
S0
I know.
41:04
S2
So I need to just want her to keep her attention and my husband.
41:07
S0
The same with yourself.
41:11
S0
Mhmm. You're waiting to be different than you are.
41:21
S0
It's okay. Make room for that too.
41:28
S2
I did today, though.
41:29
S0
Yeah. I
41:33
S0
That's obvious. You're a beautiful woman when you're not busy not being one.
41:42
S2
Thanks, I think.
41:45
S0
Well, thanks on general principles. Did you have something, babe?
41:49
S1
He noticed he felt the difference. So he didn't miss it. He
41:52
S0
noticed something. He felt it instantly.
41:54
S1
Oh, yeah. Mhmm. Total shift.
41:57
S0
And not only that
41:59
S1
I was more pre a lot more present.
42:01
S0
And not only that, in your whole body, you feel. Yeah. Mhmm. In your legs, even in your everywhere, you go, woah.
42:09
S1
And I
42:10
S0
This is a woman And I really didn't who's creating me as a human being. Yeah. And how many women have you spent time with or been out with or been around where you put all of your attention on yourself, and they just wanted your attention, and they couldn't get it? And they couldn't find out how to get it. And they just wanted it, and then they said, no. I don't think I'll go out with you again. Lot of times. And you're handsome,
42:35
S0
but that only carries you so far.
42:38
S1
I think there's some relationships where that doesn't always happen, in my opinion.
42:44
S0
Do you mean you can find someone less able than you?
42:48
S1
Less able?
42:49
S0
Enough not able so that you're the one running it?
42:54
S1
No. But I've been in the position where I've shifted like she did to allow better communication like that.
42:59
S0
He just said what I said.
43:03
S0
Because then you're in charge.
43:08
S1
Okay.
43:10
S0
You need to find a woman who's more able than you and then less able than you and then more able than you and then less able than you so you switch the lead.
43:19
S1
Right.
43:20
S0
That's what I'm saying. Yeah. If you find one who's stupid enough and stuck enough, you're gonna get to be the saint, and then you're gonna get tired of her after a little while. Did that ever happen?
43:35
S0
Let me give you a hint. She was blonde. Sorry.
43:45
S0
Or did those leave you to?
43:46
S1
The blondes? Yeah. Somehow I attract brunettes. I don't know what the deal is. K.
43:52
S0
Did you find one that was pretty dumb who
43:54
S3
you
43:55
S0
could teach stuff to?
43:57
S1
I I wouldn't consider them dumb. I don't I don't
43:59
S0
think
44:01
S0
so. So you didn't find one of those yet?
44:05
S1
I I wouldn't want one of those. I don't think.
44:07
S0
How would you know?
44:09
S2
Because I be
44:10
S0
But if you haven't had one, how in the world would you know? What if they're really dumb and they look at you with it look like
44:17
S2
wow.
44:20
S1
Yeah.
44:24
S0
You tell me you're not liking this.
44:43
S0
Shrug that one off. Dana was like like a catcher. Shrug that one off.
44:57
S0
Do you get there's a lot to learn?
44:58
S1
A lot.
44:59
S0
A lot. Mhmm. And you learned just what you should learn?
45:04
S0
It's okay? Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you.
45:11
S0
And what does it take for him to stick with this
45:15
S0
through that? It's a lot. The only way that you can play leapfrog is if you can admit very clearly and very obviously that they're more advanced than you are. If it's a scam doing that, it won't work. If it's really doing that, that opens the door to you moving ahead.
45:38
S0
That's one of the factors that perpetually can open the door. It's not sufficient to open it, but it contributes to it opening.
45:46
S2
Well, I could I could experience I could feel that because once he, you know, basically was at the same you know, asking me, then I was on the spot. So then I
45:57
S0
Instantly, were on the spot, which is what you want. Yeah. Yeah. Badly. Right.
46:05
S2
Yeah.
46:17
S3
I think you just said in order to play leapfrog, you have to be willing to have the other your partner be more advanced.
46:24
S1
Forever.
46:25
S3
Forever? Yeah. So I thought I thought before that, you said you take turns.
46:31
S0
In order to take turns, you have to be willing to have them be more advanced forever. That doesn't mean they will be more advanced forever. Okay. It means you have to let go of the competition crap.
46:43
S3
Right.
46:44
S0
And be not even, in fact, let go of it, get stuck in it, and they won. Yeah. K.
46:52
S0
It's a hard one. Yeah. What? I don't do that.
46:58
S0
Not that. Get it? You have to be able to do that.
47:07
S0
That doesn't cement the positions
47:10
S3
Right.
47:10
S0
That opens the door.
47:16
S0
Get it? Yeah. You're gonna
47:20
S1
hear it.
47:20
S0
You're gonna run me? If you and I are in relationship, are you gonna run me?
47:27
S2
I'm afraid that You're gonna try,
47:30
S0
but are you gonna succeed? Oh, you? Yeah.
47:32
S2
Me and you?
47:33
S4
Oh, no. I'm not gonna succeed.
47:34
S0
No. But you're gonna try because you have to. That's part of the game.
47:44
S4
And he's saying
47:44
S0
But the game then is for you to succeed and then not.
47:51
S0
Otherwise, we're in trouble.
47:58
S0
Can you feel yourself switching back and forth in it? Mhmm. It's cool, isn't
48:02
S2
it? Mhmm. Yeah. Right now. Yeah. You're doing it. Yeah.
48:06
S4
Because You
48:06
S0
guys can probably feel it from back there. It's that's it.
48:11
S4
It could be safe and scary at the same time, and that feels really wonderful.
48:15
S0
Yeah. The best.
48:18
S0
It makes you more of you.
48:26
S0
Keeps going, doesn't it?
48:30
S2
Yeah. Yeah.
48:31
S0
Yeah. That's it.
48:32
S4
It's hot.
48:33
S0
Yeah. It is. But that's it. Right there. And you can feel the pulse probably from there. That's it. If you're missing that pulse, forget about it. You aren't going learn about yourself.
48:47
S0
But all it takes is a coordinated
48:51
S0
I'm coordinating the movement so that I am better than you and then worse than you.
48:59
S0
But what kind of security does it take to be willing to play that way? Because it might slip and you might get stuck worse forever.
49:10
S4
So are you saying that you're running the game?
49:12
S0
No. We both are. Oh. Otherwise, it wouldn't feel like this.
49:18
S0
It would feel like one other kind of abuse giving or receiving abuse.
49:24
S0
But I am monitoring the pulse, and you're feeling the pulse.
49:30
S0
This is the leapfrog.
49:35
S0
That's pretty cool. What if you could produce that anytime, anywhere? What if you could produce that with somebody after you've been with them for thirty years and you still could do it?
49:49
S0
Feel it in the whole room? There it goes. It's okay. I make you more important, and then I make me more important, and then I make you more important, and then I make me more important, and then I make you more important, and then I make me more important, and you're doing the same thing. Mhmm. And there you gotta dance.
50:10
S0
And if I miss a few beats and make me more important and make me more important and make me more important, then we got trouble. Because now you've just been abandoned, and now I've just lost the whole game. But we've got a different kind of trouble if I make you more important and and miss coming back home. It's a movement out and then in and then out and then in and then out and then and then out and then in.
50:37
S0
That's it is. It is. It's that.
50:47
S0
Ever been in a relationship where you went out to them and you made them more important for years?
50:54
S0
You turn into a ghost.
50:58
S0
Honest to goodness, you turn into a ghost. You're addicted. The addict, the heroin addict makes heroin more important than themselves.
51:12
S0
Without enough addiction,
51:16
S0
you just stay home. Well, then what do you need them for?
51:21
S0
The game is to put your center over there and then bring your center back home and then put your center over there and then bring your center back home and then put it over there and then miss a couple beats so you get terrified and addicted and you go, I don't know if she likes me anymore. She says she likes me, but I don't know if I can trust it. I like me. I wonder if she likes me.
51:43
S0
Here I am.
51:49
S0
This is request and promise. The purpose of request and promise is that you find out what the angle of incline or decline is between you and another human being. Am I better than you or worse than you? Now in a new age sense, you wanna go, well, we're even.
52:15
S0
That almost never happens. That that that's head to head. Headbutts is the expression of that sort of love.
52:30
S0
Do I dare request of you honey, I request that you take the garbage out now.
52:37
S0
I've now just blown my whole wad. If she doesn't take the garbage out now, you know, it may be the end of the relationship because I just gave it all away.
52:49
S0
And then what if I could have it be okay whatever she does? Not because I don't care,
52:57
S0
but because I care about something deeper even more. The game of relationship is is constantly moving
53:06
S0
downward. One of you is on one layer. One of you is on almost never both both of you on the same layer.
53:16
S0
And whoever's on the deeper layer is ahead in the leapfrog game.
53:25
S0
If one of you gets ahead for too long, then the gap between the two of you is too great.
53:34
S0
The way that you take care of this gap is by making requests and promises with the other human being,
53:42
S0
and they make requests and promises with you. Almost nobody does this after they've been they they almost never do it, period, and certainly not after they've been in relationship for a while.
53:53
S0
I request that you get me a glass of water now.
53:58
S0
And in the process, I take I request that you get me a glass of water now, and I hand it to you. And then you do whatever you do with it. But I pay attention while you're doing it.
54:12
S0
You get it? I hand it to you completely. I've just handed you my heart and my soul and everything I got. And then you do with it whatever you do with it.
54:27
S0
And if you say, sure. I'll I'll do it. And then and you take it like I've handed you a request for a glass of water and you don't get around to it this week, then you've just communicated back to me very effectively. How many of you have had this happen in relationship? Like a lot. You don't understand. It's important to me. I know. I'll do it.
55:01
S0
Requests and promises. It constantly indicates the angle of relationship of who's better and who's worse. Cut the New Age crap of that we're equal. Cut the constitutional crap. All men are created equal. They may be created equal, but the moment they were created, something else started to show up. One got a little stronger. One got a little dumber. One got a little more land. One got then the equal wasn't there anymore. But we're all equal in the face of god. Good? Then have a relationship with god. Just don't try and have a relationship with a person because that's too hard. Have a relationship with god because god is like a good denture cream. Fills in all the gaps.
55:46
S0
Whereas your partner is not like a good denture cream, and they keep coming out.
55:52
S0
Get it?
56:03
S0
So the purpose of promise and request, and this is why sales is so powerful, is for you to find out who's better in the moment. In any given moment, you or your partner is better. And you wanna go, no. We're not. That's your mind.
56:21
S0
One of you can run faster. Yes? One of you is stronger. Yes? One of you is smarter.
56:30
S0
All of those sort of have to change. Whichever ones can vary need to vary. And the main one that needs to vary is who's more present.
56:40
S0
Because otherwise, I can see more of you than you can see of me, and it's not fair. Remember the initial game
56:50
S0
with little kids? You know, I'll show you.
56:53
S1
Maya, you can show me your.
56:57
S0
That's the game of presence in a relationship and a balance of presence in relationship.
57:04
S0
And if one of you stays more present than the other one, that means you're seeing them, but they aren't seeing you.
57:12
S0
That doesn't mean that they won't bluff and pretend they're seeing you. They will bluff and pretend they're seeing you. It's just that they're seeing as illusion much more illusionary than yours. If one of you and if one of you goes way down, what feels like loss? Right. If one of you goes way down and one of you doesn't, then pretty soon, the range that's available to each of you, because it is a range that's available, there's no overlap between the two. And that means there's no possibility of one of you communicating something that makes any sense to the
57:47
S0
other one at all. It's like you're throwing horseshoes out here, only the other stake is 890 feet away. And you go, god. I thought that one was gonna get on there. You know? And it's nowhere near that or two miles away.
58:04
S0
And you launch. You say, good morning, honey. And she doesn't hear good morning, honey at all because she can't hear it because she's busy doing what she's doing in the range that she is. And then pretty soon, at least one of you looks for somebody else in the range that you're in because you got to. Because how are gonna you know? Pretty soon, you get more than a dick away.
58:34
S0
So sex won't even do it anymore. And
58:41
S0
then you can deny that all you want, but it still didn't feel very good.
58:48
S0
And you've stopped leapfrog. But so you did it. Right.
58:57
S0
The person more advanced has to be willing to move back to where the other person is because the other person can't move down to where the person more advanced is. So you have to be willing to give up the ground.
59:13
S0
And there are how many ways to bullshit yourself? More
59:19
S0
than two. How
59:23
S0
many ways do you figure your mind has to bullshit you about what's really going on? And
59:35
S0
what if you ended up being able to have some sort of commitment about what's really going on? That's That's what we'll get to next as we jump into language a little bit more and get into assertion and declaration.
59:52
S0
Promise and request is the dance of relationship. Assertion declaration is the dance of you and reality, which has to do with what's going on.
1:00:06
S2
What do you wanna know from the boy? I wanna know if I'm if I can get a ride with him to the airport. Really?
1:00:12
S0
Why don't you just ask him that? Can I In your own words? Oh. Forget these words.
1:00:17
S4
Alright. Can I have a ride to the airport on Sunday?
1:00:21
S0
No. Thank you.
1:00:27
S0
K.
1:00:30
S2
Is that okay? Yeah.
1:00:32
S0
K. So you don't have to worry about it.
1:00:33
S4
Now I know what I'm doing.
1:00:35
S0
Yeah. You're not riding with him. Right. Yeah. Cool.
1:00:44
S0
Is that really okay? Then you get to feel whatever goes on in you
1:00:51
S0
regarding that. See, we don't ask because we don't wanna know. We would rather sit in indecision pretending that we really do know.
1:01:03
S0
I mean, you just you just cut off twelve, fourteen hours of a bunch of hours of indecision, didn't you? Mhmm. K.
1:01:17
S0
Do you want him to take you to the airport?
1:01:23
S0
See, now sales comes in. That doesn't mean he's not gonna take you to the airport. It means he promised not to.
1:01:32
S4
Well, it would be so much more convenient for me if you would take me to the airport.
1:01:40
S2
How
1:01:42
S0
about rather than degrading yourself,
1:01:47
S0
how about finding out if getting that he won't take you Mhmm. And then you feel something over there and let it pass through, and then find out if there's any way that he will.
1:02:04
S0
Or is it not worth that to you? Would you rather just forget about it and find another ride?
1:02:14
S0
You see, you don't know.
1:02:15
S4
I don't.
1:02:16
S0
No. And then you don't know, and then you don't know, and then you don't know, and then you go to bed. And then you sleep for a while, and then you wake up in the morning, and you don't know, and you don't know, and you don't know, and you don't know, and then you go to bed.
1:02:34
S0
Do you know how you'll know? You just make it up and put your full 180 pounds behind it.
1:02:46
S0
You make it up and you put your full weight behind it. All of your weight behind it. And then if it's not real, you fall over, and you get to learn from falling over.
1:03:02
S0
You make it up. This is declaration. You make it up.
1:03:11
S0
I either wanna pursue this and try and find out if I can get him to take me to the airport just for a game, or I don't. But you don't know. Well, you're the only one who could make it up.
1:03:29
S0
So what do you wanna do?
1:03:33
S0
You'd have to make it up. You don't find it.
1:03:37
S0
On the search and you find the declaration you make up.
1:03:42
S4
Okay. Well, I wanna keep playing.
1:03:46
S0
K. K. Go for it.
1:04:02
S4
Why aren't you taking me to the airport? I'd really like to know.
1:04:08
S1
I would, but I've already got a four hour drive, and that would put me out probably two hours.
1:04:15
S4
I get it.
1:04:19
S4
And
1:04:21
S4
that was it. No. That was enough.
1:04:27
S0
That doesn't mean it's over.
1:04:28
S2
Oh, okay.
1:04:28
S0
Unless you want it to be
1:04:30
S2
over. Oh.
1:04:34
S0
Did see, watch the fun you can play if you got the nerve. And I got the nerve sitting in front of a workshop, but give me a woman out on the front porch and forget about it. Yeah.
1:04:45
S2
It takes a lot of nerve
1:04:47
S4
to sit to say, alright. I'm gonna Do you
1:04:49
S0
do you like me, Jeff?
1:04:51
S4
Do you like me, Jeff?
1:04:53
S1
Yes.
1:04:57
S4
And would it be fun to spend two extra hours?
1:05:00
S0
No. No. Don't don't slide around that quite yet. You can't slide there. Say, is is there any way that I could that we could make it worthwhile?
1:05:11
S4
Is there?
1:05:15
S1
We can take a look at it.
1:05:19
S4
That could be fun just doing that.
1:05:23
S4
I think.
1:05:25
S1
If it works, I'd love to.
1:05:29
S4
And I think I'd just love taking a look at it. Okay.
1:05:36
S0
And don't compromise anything about yourself in the process, either of you. Mhmm. But explore it and dance with it and keep us posted.
1:05:48
S4
Okay.
1:05:50
S0
Now you've got a conversation. Now there's no particular reason answering an earlier query why you can't have two or three of these possibilities, and then pick freely which are the ones you wanna ride with based on what you have to do to get a ride.
1:06:06
S0
Is it worth making it worth Jeff's while, or would it be easier just to pay somebody $25 to take you?
1:06:19
S0
You get it? Or can we
1:06:22
S0
it it it's always a dance that way in life, especially if you're married.
1:06:31
S0
Because you get to find out how to open possibilities so that the thing becomes much more mysterious over time rather than less so.
1:06:43
S0
But what we do is we wander off with our own explanations in our own head of what's going on, and we don't ask what we really wanna know.
1:06:54
S0
Is is it about me that you're turning this down?
1:06:58
S0
And then, you know, he may lie to you. Well, that's always a possibility. That's his problem, not yours. And she may lie to you. And that's her problem, not yours.
1:07:12
S0
Are you gonna be conned? Always. So don't worry about it. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do your best not to be, because you owe that obligation to other human beings. You get it?
1:07:29
S4
You owe you owe the obligation not to be con to other human beings? Yes.
1:07:34
S0
Because they may not know they're conning you.
1:07:39
S0
And the clearer you are, the the less likely you are to be conned.
1:07:46
S0
And thus, the more you contribute to other human beings
1:07:51
S0
by not having them con you.
1:08:01
S0
Get it?
1:08:02
S4
Are you contributing even if they know that they're conning you? Yes. And you don't let them?
1:08:06
S0
Absolutely.
1:08:10
S0
Think of
1:08:12
S0
and and suspect a number of you know the movie House of Games. Mhmm. Who was the con person?
1:08:22
S0
She was. Not him.
1:08:27
S0
He conned people and knew it and was direct about it and honest about it. She conned people all the time without that degree of honesty with it. It's a big difference.
1:08:40
S0
That's it. So you can have a dance with them and and find out what's up.
1:08:50
S0
But that requires you to back yourself into a corner of clarity about what it is you really want.
1:09:01
S0
See, because you can easily get a ride to the airport. But are you willing to do what it might take to get a ride to the airport with him?
1:09:10
S0
Do you really prefer do you just want a ride to the airport, or do you want a ride to the airport with him? You'd have to be honest about that.
1:09:20
S0
Which is it?
1:09:23
S0
Yeah. Sucks, doesn't it? Yeah. I just wanna ride to the airport, and I don't give a squat about him. And he knows that. I wanna hear her answer. You just did.
1:09:37
S0
True or not? True. True.
1:09:43
S0
Then comes a very different conversation. Jeff, I need a ride to the airport, and I wanna pretend that I wanna ride with you, but I don't really care about whether I ride with you or not. But I wonder if we could have me care about who I rode with because that would be really interesting for me to give a shit about who I was with.
1:10:09
S0
And then that's what you virtually got into there, because let's have a conversation about how we could make it how could we make it worthwhile for you and him?
1:10:24
S0
See, we pay people so we don't have to do this.
1:10:29
S0
Judson said to me yesterday, said, wouldn't it be really interesting if everything was trades
1:10:38
S0
instead of money that if we just traded for everything?
1:10:42
S0
And we started talking about the repercussions of if we traded for everything. This is homeschooling at its best. He said, I don't think people would steal as much if there was a lot more trading and less.
1:11:00
S0
Get it? What
1:11:06
S0
if you used human interactions as a way to get more honest about what's going on?
1:11:12
S0
Constantly whittled down to get more honest about what's going on.
1:11:31
S0
Take a seven minute break. And on the seven minute break, please make requests and promises of people that they could fulfill now. Just have them be as as clean and direct as you can, and watch your dishonesty.
1:11:48
S0
See, the IC is a little short. Can I ask you one question? Yeah, please.
1:11:55
S0
So I wanna do more of these requests and promises. Should we do that? When do we get to the do you get the benefit of this? Yeah.
1:12:06
S0
You can give us an you you have a husband here, a boyfriend here. What is it? Husband. Husband. Mhmm. Are are you watching requests that you make of him? Requests that you've made in the last week of
1:12:18
S2
him? No.
1:12:21
S0
Would you like to? Yeah. So that you can apply this it's fine. So that you can apply this to your life. This isn't about Jordan. What are you blocking, my dear?
1:12:36
S0
Can you tell? Can you tell now that I suggested you might be?
1:12:47
S0
Would would you give us an example of a request you've made of him in the last week? Have you made requests of him? There it goes. That's what you were blocking. There it sits.
1:13:01
S0
She may not need the mic or she may
1:13:04
S2
Well, I went up and made a picture.
1:13:06
S0
Yeah. But then what's the emotion?