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Illusion Conclusion
Jerry Stocking
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Tape 5 – Side B
Tape 5 – Side B
IC_T05B
44:33
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Transcript
317 utterances · click to jump
00:02
S0
In some cases, it gets harder. Look out. You wanna find out what direction it's going. Same thing with stocks and bonds. I mean, it's a you get it? You wanna find out what direction it's going. And I watched her, and I watched that it took more effort to sell her than it should have taken, far more effort. And then I watched her slam right down. Why should she bother to be here? Landmark already gave her the answers.
00:36
S0
And I see this over and over again in Landmark people, and there's nothing wrong with Landmark. It's marvelous for all kinds of how many of you know what it is?
00:44
S0
It's just a kind of course. And the people that do it make some progress, and then they cement in harder. They they lay like a layer of cement there so they can't get any further down. They think they've reached it, and then they go, I've reached it. You haven't, and they stay there. That's all.
01:08
S0
Other questions? Yeah. Yeah.
01:11
S1
Go ahead.
01:12
S2
Well, when I usually go to bed. I curl up.
01:14
S0
You noticed.
01:15
S2
I curl up. And last night, I was stretching. I stretched way out in bed, and I felt really good. And I went to sleep that way, and I slept really hard. But the fact that I changed that pattern was so obvious because I felt myself with my hands over my head stretching out and it's like, I never do seem to do that. And I was doing it just automatically. Yeah. Nice. It was a really good feeling.
01:42
S3
Good morning, Jerry. Just something that I
01:45
S0
out because she's gonna slide in an ungrounded assessment.
01:49
S3
Something that I noticed.
01:50
S0
What's the ungrounded assessment? Good morning. Good morning.
01:56
S3
Morning, Jerry.
02:00
S3
I noticed about myself when I left the course was that I was very tired in
02:09
S2
a
02:09
S3
in a good way.
02:12
S3
But also after I went home and I spoke to my family, and I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it, but after that I felt a great sadness. And I couldn't quite place why I was feeling that.
02:30
S0
I'm glad.
02:33
S0
Congratulations for not knowing where to place it.
02:38
S0
I want you to not know where to place anything.
02:43
S0
This is probably gonna be bad news to you.
02:49
S0
Where you put it isn't necessarily where it is.
02:57
S0
In other words, what you place on it isn't necessarily what it's appropriate to place on it.
03:06
S0
Given that your model is fraught with insecurities, what you place on it is the defense of your insecurities generally. I want you to talk to your family, and I want you to notice what goes on in you. That's it.
03:25
S0
And keep observing and find out what goes on in you next time.
03:31
S0
You guys know that no one knows exactly where Heisenberg is buried. Right?
03:37
S0
Heisenberg's uncertainty principle is what he got the most press for, I think, which is the very act of observing something influences it. The act of measuring it influences it. The act of in any way even perceiving it influences it. So nobody knows where he's buried. Do you get the joke? Exactly, anyway. They don't know exactly. Because if they went to look for where he's buried, they would influence it, so it throws it off. I don't mean to explain it in such depth.
04:16
S0
So you need to notice what happens in your body because your body knows. And then a step from this, once you really learn to observe it, If every interaction with your family results in that,
04:34
S0
you need to keep observing it until it doesn't because at some point, it won't. What will happen once you've observed that enough times is you'll be able to just watch it happen rather than get stuck in it. If you think, oh, I did this because I talked to my family and because I don't get along with it, you'll never get to watch it. You'll just add all kinds of crap into it, and the closest you'll ever get is your illusion.
05:06
S0
At a certain point, once you've done that enough times and really observed it enough times, you'll be able to do a magical thing, which is you'll be able to mathematically subtract that out and interact with your family having taken that out.
05:26
S0
And then you'll be able to talk to your daughter.
05:30
S0
One of your daughters? You have two daughters. Right? You'll be able to talk to your daughter, and you will have taken your stuff out of the picture, and you'll be able to just interact with your daughter. Even though the sadness is going on, but you've seen it enough that you don't have to react to it. And at that moment, your daughter goes,
05:53
S0
oh my gosh.
05:58
S0
Here's mom.
06:01
S0
Not mom full of her own junk, not mom selfish, not mom self centered, just mom.
06:10
S0
And you'll know what's going on with your daughter.
06:17
S0
And then you can always go, okay. I I know what's going on with her now, and I gotta have my own stuff back a little bit, please. I got it. So you have to learn to mathematically take it out of the picture, but you can't do that if you're deeply involved in the stories of what's going on. You just can't because then it's their fault because when you talk to them, you got sad and they should have said something other than what they said and that gets you out at such a superficial level that there's no benefit to anybody. Now currently, it's it's beyond the scope of where we are to mathematically subtract this rascal out, but you're gonna behaviorally learn how to do this this week.
06:59
S3
So you're saying for me to just notice it without placing a story on it or give a reason?
07:07
S0
Without any reason. You you notice what correlates with it. I spoke on the phone to them,
07:16
S0
and I felt this tightness in here or this and I had a conversation about being sad. That's it. You don't say, I spoke on the phone and that caused me to do it. You just notice correlations instead of cause and effect.
07:36
S0
It used to be that I was slow enough that I would get off the phone with somebody. That's back when I used to talk on the phone. I don't pretty much anymore.
07:46
S0
I would get off the phone, and I would get to find out what happened over here so that I would know just exactly what went on with them.
07:55
S0
When you get fast enough, you don't do that. You get it in real time, what goes on with them.
08:03
S0
But most people
08:06
S0
are uncomfortable enough with themselves that they've put so much in between them and themselves that they can't even perceive another human being. Oh my gosh. That would be too big a threat. Just notice the sadness, and notice also that it opens you up.
08:29
S0
Wouldn't it be neat if you didn't need sadness to open you up? If you could just open up anyway?
08:37
S0
That'll happen soon.
08:40
S0
Thank you. Yeah.
08:43
S0
So she's got one big problem, really huge problem, which is she loves her daughters much more than she loves herself.
08:54
S0
So they become a constant reminder of how much she doesn't love herself. That's not an unusual parental dilemma. And the way that looks is it looks like not liking the daughters
09:09
S0
when in fact there is no better mirror in the world than your own child.
09:17
S0
And I don't care what you say about them. They're the mirror. And that's one of the most difficult things for me in my life is that my children are a mirror of me
09:30
S0
because I have no problem with having a very, very inflated image of myself. I can do that easily, but they indicate to me that I'm better than I thought I was
09:44
S0
over and over and over and over again.
09:52
S0
And I went down to the hot tub with Emily last night,
09:58
S0
and there are three kids with their dad in the hot tub, probably,
10:05
S0
oh, maybe eight and four and two and a half.
10:12
S0
They look like adults.
10:16
S0
They look like adults. These kids have had their quota of misunderstanding in this lifetime already.
10:25
S0
The seven or eight year old looks like she's 35. She's got such definition in her face. They're supposed to look like that. They're all her features are supposed to be rounded and soft. They're still supposed to be fluid little creatures flowing from one location to another like so much mercury. That's what they're supposed to be at that age. But these kids have been so misunderstood that they've already had to take on all sorts of adult junk,
10:59
S0
and they're sitting there like this.
11:03
S0
Stiff mouth and stiff everything. You can't miss it. And
11:10
S0
this father, although perfectly well meaning like your parents were, because they were. They did the best they could. They were amateur parents.
11:21
S0
No question you were abused as a kid. I don't care whether you were abused blatantly or not. You were abused as a kid because you were misunderstood as a kid because you were thrown between two parents as a kid.
11:37
S0
A lot of people nowadays aren't,
11:42
S0
or at least they have to travel between the two.
11:46
S0
But you were misunderstood. The question is now what?
11:52
S0
That's the question. Now what? Now how are you gonna soften up? How are you going to soften up? And I'm talking at a cellular level. I'm talking at a really tiny level because if you try and open up like, okay, now I'm going to open up to you. It doesn't work. You have to take care of the cells first, then you gotta work your way up from there. Nothing less will open you up.
12:25
S0
So you mess up your kids so that you don't have to worry about getting too close to somebody.
12:31
S0
They've got complaints about them. They are you. What else?
12:41
S4
I'm wondering if this is true. This is the idea that I had.
12:45
S0
Remember, I don't know anything about truth. Okay. And you know an awful lot about truth. Do you know that?
12:50
S4
I don't know if I know that.
12:55
S4
But staying in the moment is what I'm wishing to discuss right now.
12:59
S0
How about getting to the moment?
13:00
S4
Okay. Getting to the moment. Yes. That would be good. Is
13:04
S0
You hear how she clips everything definitively? Mhmm. How she clips it and the period is the indication of the end of a fact?
13:16
S0
Can you hear that?
13:17
S4
Yeah.
13:19
S0
I would I request that while you're asking your question that you end each question with a question. I mean, each statement with a question mark, whether it's a question or not.
13:30
S4
Okay.
13:32
S4
No. Okay. Okay.
13:37
S4
Okay? Okay. Okay. Okay.
13:42
S0
That isn't the question mark.
13:44
S4
Okay? Okay.
13:47
S0
That's getting there. Okay?
13:52
S4
Okay. That wasn't there yet. Is really
13:55
S5
We're gonna have
13:56
S0
to work on okay till you get this something else. Okay?
13:59
S4
Okay.
14:01
S0
She's not asking yet. Thought you
14:03
S4
I thought you did.
14:04
S0
You guys are suckers.
14:08
S0
Okay? Well, is she listen to me. Okay?
14:14
S0
When she gets to that level, you notice that you wanna respond Mhmm. When I do that? You don't wanna respond when she does this. You want you're expecting her to go on to something else. I want you on I want you to be forced to respond. Okay? Mhmm. So you have to respond. Okay.
14:37
S0
It's still the end. It's still a period.
14:42
S4
Okay.
14:43
S0
See, this is the problem you get when you get somebody who knows a lot of stuff already because you know a lot of stuff already.
14:53
S4
I don't think I do.
14:56
S0
I didn't hear a question mark. I I don't think I do.
15:02
S4
Do I know a lot of stuff?
15:05
S0
You're trying. Right. Stay with the question.
15:08
S4
What stuff do I know?
15:15
S0
Now everyone gets a question mark at the end.
15:20
S4
What I wanted to ask you?
15:27
S0
Yes.
15:30
S4
Thank you.
15:32
S0
Was Look
15:37
S0
at her. How's she doing? Oh, I'm doing good.
15:44
S4
I always wanted to stay in the moment.
15:49
S0
Oh. Yeah. You did.
15:52
S1
And now I'm wondering
15:59
S4
If what you were saying yesterday about the four little seven seven little compartments, is that see, the reason that I feel that I have never
16:10
S0
Oh, no. Almost got to a genuine question. Is that is that is that what?
16:21
S0
Is that
16:24
S4
Is that what keeps I don't I can't ask it that way.
16:29
S0
No. I I can't ask it that way?
16:37
S0
See, I hear her on the brakes, and she tells all you guys how things are.
16:43
S0
Have you noticed that? How many of you have talked to her on the break and she tells you how things are? Come on. Think back. She tells you how things are. She's she sits here during the course going, I already know all this. And then on the break, she tells you how things are.
17:03
S0
There's nothing wrong with that other than it won't further her learning.
17:10
S0
Because she won't learn about your model. She'll just more widely spread her own if she were successful at this, but she won't be, especially not here.
17:24
S0
Yes.
17:27
S0
You do. You are so committed to your model.
17:33
S5
Well, I'm I'm here to become a
17:39
S0
Any any question mark at the end of that? No? Are you here to become uncommitted?
17:46
S1
To to the
17:48
S0
I I hope so.
17:50
S5
To the model that I have previously had. Otherwise, I wouldn't travel all of this distance in the shape my body's in.
17:57
S0
Here come the stories. Get it? Now I want you to let go of your certainty of everything, please, and thank you. The only reason I get to lead this course is that I don't know anything.
18:13
S0
I have nothing going on in here, you guys. Have you figured that out yet? I have nothing going on in here. You have this whole body of knowledge that you have to compare it to, and then you have all these huge stories that you're gonna tell for why it is this way. And in the process, you offend almost everybody all the time. Oh, you mean that offensive woman in the wheelchair? Yes. Her.
18:39
S5
I wasn't aware of that.
18:41
S0
I know.
18:43
S0
Because I know that if you were aware of it, you'd stop it in an instant. And that's what I want you to do. She needs to perceive this over and over and over again past the point where it's comfortable, comfortable, and I'm sorry that it has to be past that point, but it has to be past that. Letting go of it is not gonna end up painful. Continuing to hold on is going to be painful. She just got me again. You get it? It has been painful. Are you sure?
19:24
S5
Well, yesterday, I kept wondering why.
19:28
S0
Quit the whys. Okay. I mean it. Quit the whys. How
19:35
S5
how should I ask for help? Because I didn't know how to ask for help yesterday, and
19:39
S4
you told
19:40
S0
me curious.
19:41
S5
You told me
19:44
S5
I forget your your words, but
19:47
S0
Let me tell you. Okay? Many years ago, I was at a place called Bay Cliff Health Camp, which is up in Northern Michigan, up in the middle of nowhere. The only the only thing this area is known for remember the old movie Anatomy of a Murder?
20:07
S0
Anatomy of a Murder was filmed here. That's the only thing it's known for. But just a little north of that, there's a place called Baycliff Health Camp where kids get together in the summer, kids who are severely handicapped. And this is a camp for severely handicapped kids. And I watched this one kid, and he's kind of crawling along and hitting his face on the concrete.
20:36
S0
And I go to help him, and somebody grabs me and pulls me back
20:43
S0
and won't let me help him. I was just volunteering. I was there to help out, and this other person was a staff member.
20:52
S0
This is this kid's first ever attempt to operate without a wheelchair, and he's got a disease that's going to get worse over time. And he's making this attempt. And to him, this attempt is so successful because he's not hooked to the wheelchair. And I was gonna get in the way of it.
21:18
S0
You sit here and you say, I'm gonna need help to move.
21:26
S0
Whose fault is it?
21:27
S5
Well, this morning, I was real real I did a little better this morning because now I did have to ask
21:34
S0
for help. Everything's definite. Okay. Everything she says is definite. We're gonna come back to you. Okay. Everything she says okay? Okay.
21:47
S0
Everything she says is definite.
21:52
S0
You're gonna have to get back to a magical point. The only way you can get to the present, and you don't even know what I'm talking about when I talk about the present, although you've done plenty of workshops where they talk about the present and all of this stuff. And yet the person in front of the room wasn't in the present. They were pretending to be perhaps or at least telling you how to be, though they weren't. The only way to get to the present
22:22
S0
is to calibrate everything in your existence to zero,
22:30
S0
which leaves you with nothing.
22:38
S0
And you don't start from nothing. You start from so full of all kinds of stuff. What you know, what you've got stories for, what you've got everything for. Try the question mark. Put a question mark at the end of everyone. Okay?
22:57
S0
Okay. But see, you already said okay, but you forgot to put the question mark. But then you did the second time.
23:05
S5
Did I have a question mark the second time?
23:07
S0
Yeah. Okay.
23:13
S0
Look at her, and look at the addition of the third dimension to her and who wants to help her a little closer, isn't it? Okay. See, I want everybody to wanna help me. I don't even wanna have to have a wheelchair in order to produce that result.
23:33
S0
If I don't need a wheelchair to produce that result, then I could get that result without a wheelchair, and wouldn't that be a whole lot of fun? There's a huge difference between kids and adults.
23:45
S0
Gigantic difference between kids and adults. Kids will never kick you when you're down.
23:55
S0
Kids always wait until you're up to kick you,
24:03
S0
and adults will always kick you when you're down. And they don't kick you when you're they're intimidated when you're up.
24:13
S0
It's the incredible beauty of children. You notice that? If you're if mom's sick, anything.
24:21
S5
Anything.
24:24
S0
Yeah. Then you're in the way of noticing that. I've never seen an example where it doesn't happen. You may have reversed up and down. Totally. That it's it's not that surprising to do that.
24:37
S5
Carrie, I still don't get how I am supposed to ask for help if I really need it. Now when I don't need it, that's fine. But when I really do need it
24:46
S0
I want your whole existence to become a request for help.
24:56
S0
Not because you're pathetic, but because they can benefit by helping you. You
25:04
S0
thought you had to become sufficiently despicable.
25:09
S5
That's what I was taught as a child.
25:13
S0
That was said at least eight years ago.
25:16
S5
No. I know. And I I still
25:18
S0
have A number of presidents ago.
25:20
S5
Have and I wanna kill that off. I want to get rid of that.
25:23
S0
Then watch it. Don't change it. Just watch it.
25:36
S4
Yeah.
25:40
S0
If
25:43
S0
you get to the present, you won't have any purpose. You won't have any anything, and you also won't have any conversations in your head. You won't have any anything. That's it.
25:57
S0
From the present, you won't say, how do I stay in the present more often? Because you'll just be in the present. And most of you, the only times you've really gotten to the present are when some kind of terrible trauma occurs to you or somebody else around you. And you go, oh my god. And there you are for a little bit, and then it disappears.
26:22
S0
We're attempting to do damage to your illusion here so that you get glimpses of being in the present. But you have to go back to zero.
26:34
S0
You have to. If anything in your posture indicates that you're you, you're not back to zero. If anything in your thoughts is a response, you're not back to zero. If you get the same thought twice, you're not back to zero. We're gonna do specific exercises this afternoon with getting you much closer to zero, and we're gonna do that by pushing you further out.
27:02
S0
We're gonna get you closer in by pushing you further out.
27:07
S0
We will.
27:10
S1
I need help with something.
27:15
S1
So I'm asking for help with something. When you were talking I'm sorry. I don't remember your name. Linda, it was I experienced that you were talking directly to me because I go through much of the same
27:30
S1
pattern, I think, with my children. I have two children. And How old? Four I mean, how old are my kids? Six and 12. What are their names? Fraser and Davis.
27:43
S0
That's just a a test. Okay. And
27:48
S1
so I was I was with you the whole place.
27:52
S0
If they're females, we know she has a sense of humor.
27:56
S1
I was with you the whole place about my emotion is what I get mixed up and put onto them
28:06
S1
and what I need to do with that. What I've done since this moment when you were talking because I was like, this is where I am. This is this is a big struggle with me and my 12 year old right now. And and since then, I've I sit here and I beat myself up over, damn it. Why can't I change this? And why can't I do it now? And why can't I go home and have it all be different? And I I wanna learn how to be gentle on myself because I have all these huge demands and expectations over what I need to do once I'm aware of something and that I want it done immediately. And I want it over and I want it fixed and I want it gone. And I don't I don't like to be able to
28:45
S0
process that shows up in your 12 year old.
28:48
S1
Oh, it's real fun. And he's showing it to me so clearly right now, and I'm really sick of it. And
28:53
S0
And you'd like it done.
28:54
S1
I want it done and I want it done. Twelve years ago, I want it done with him. And then I'm really I really beat myself up over it. And I do this with everybody, not just with me.
29:06
S0
If your kids turn downward even the least little bit, it becomes like feeding your cancer.
29:14
S1
If they do what? At least a little bit?
29:17
S0
Start to show you you just a little bit.
29:19
S1
Yeah.
29:20
S0
Yeah. You're gonna have to change this whole game, sweetheart.
29:23
S1
Oh, they're show he's they're showing me.
29:25
S0
You're gonna have to change the whole game
29:27
S1
Yeah. Yeah. Immediately. But I I I don't wanna beat myself up.
29:31
S0
So how much time do you spend with your 12 year old without doing anything?
29:37
S0
You're a busy woman. Right?
29:40
S1
Yeah. And he's a busy guy right now. I spend less
29:43
S0
I used busy guy. You're a busy woman.
29:47
S1
I spend less than I used to, which I put off into his into
29:51
S0
Tells me a lot, doesn't it? She spends less than she used to. That doesn't tell me anything.
29:56
S1
I used to spend a whole lot.
30:01
S0
We need to put some math on the board. Whole lot equals Yeah.
30:08
S1
Yeah. I
30:12
S1
assume it has to do with his adolescence and busyness, but it doesn't.
30:17
S0
Nothing to do with it. Right.
30:22
S0
So you put it in there. Now you gotta cope with it.
30:28
S1
Yeah. The Husband's how far away? Six houses.
30:36
S0
What kind of houses?
30:39
S0
Two houses.
30:42
S0
Colonial.
30:44
S0
K. He's close. I'm looking for something entertaining in this story. Looking for something I haven't heard before. Me right now.
30:55
S1
I'm pissed about this and me. I am.
30:59
S5
K.
31:00
S0
So you're both approximately the same age,
31:06
S0
which is the basis of the problem. You stopped maturing back then. That's great news.
31:14
S0
Isn't that what he would say?
31:17
S1
What he would say?
31:18
S0
Isn't that what he would say if you told him something like that? You see it? She just proved it. How many of you have a kid who's somewhere around 12, 11, 12, 13? That's what they would say. That's great news. Yeah.
31:34
S0
So she just proved my point. Okay. That's great news. That pisses me off more. That's what they say.
31:48
S0
Hi. It's morning. And they look at you and they say, that pisses me off more.
31:54
S0
Any question about it?
31:57
S0
With Emily, who's the sweetest little girl I've ever met and the most honest open human being I've met, she says that pisses me off more when I say good morning.
32:06
S1
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
32:10
S0
This is your life, sweetheart.
32:12
S1
I know.
32:16
S0
Wanna really up. Quick You want a really quick instant solution, which will send you right to hell?
32:22
S1
No. I'd like both.
32:23
S0
I'd like a choice.
32:28
S0
Pardon me. Let me give you this cake and let you eat it too.
32:38
S1
No. I can't do this instantly.
32:42
S0
You didn't set it up instantly, did you?
32:44
S1
Oh, no.
32:45
S0
You've set it up over time.
32:46
S1
A lifetime.
32:47
S0
Yeah. I want you to stop being busy. I want you to be there when the 12 year old gets home so that the 12 year old cannot wanna spend time with you,
32:58
S0
so that you're available to not spend time with.
33:08
S0
What's more important, your 12 year old, or the work you do?
33:18
S0
You can't help your 12 year old. It's too late. Somewhere around six, it becomes too late. It's too late. Now you can just help you. See your posture?
33:35
S0
Shift it.
33:39
S1
If I had helped me,
33:41
S0
then I would help. You work yes. And you can't work on your 12 year old. You aren't fast enough to work on yourself. How are gonna work on somebody else? Oh. It's not possible. How happy is mom?
34:02
S0
Well, mom is pissed. We've handled that. Right? And mom thinks that things aren't the way they should be. Then watch the tilt of the head to the right. That's the constant maneuver that you do. Oh, no. And your 12 year old, you're doing it again. So
34:17
S1
what does that have to do? What is this?
34:19
S0
It's just automation on your part. You can't not do it. That means you're asleep. Oh. That means you're fully automated, and your 12 year old knows that. Here it goes. And if you weren't doing that, your 12 year old would take notice and go, what's happened?
34:37
S0
Watch out. It keeps listening a little bit to the side. I know. It's tough.
34:45
S0
You have to become the fascinating center of the universe and not by doing anything. It's by undoing. Right. Right?
34:56
S1
Yeah. I just
34:58
S0
You can understand. It's almost impossible to wanna talk to her. She's really pretty and yet it literally goes there to the side. Yet it's almost entirely impossible to wanna talk to her because whatever I say, she's gonna go, yeah.
35:13
S0
Imagine you're 12, and you go, mom, I'm going rollerblading. Yeah.
35:22
S0
The 12 year old goes,
35:26
S0
screw you. Yeah. Screw me.
35:32
S0
You're gonna have to empty out a little bit, aren't you?
35:35
S2
A lot.
35:37
S0
Yeah. You're gonna have to work on these patterns that you have a tendency to do. Notice how different you are with your legs not crossed. You're gonna have to start to wake up a little bit and then your 12 year old's gonna go, what's happened? And your 12 year old is gonna do an absolutely fascinating thing. Your 12 year old is gonna start arguing for the status quo.
36:01
S1
More than he is now?
36:04
S0
Much more.
36:07
S0
And you're gonna be absolutely humored and delighted by it because you're gonna have him discover that he's really not interested in the status quo.
36:20
S0
And you're gonna set him up rather than as your torturer for the rest of your life as a friend of yours who you can play with. But it's not gonna be by working on the relationship. That won't work. When you talk to him and lecture him and he does whatever he does, you're at such a superficial level that it's so far from where the behaviors are generated that it's not relevant. Even to ask your question, come way out to a superficial level.
36:48
S0
You gotta get deeper. You gotta get under it. If you don't get under it, it it looks totally different coming from underneath than it does coming from above. From above, it's impregnable. From underneath, you go, it's interesting.
37:05
S0
So you've got a condition that's horrible that you don't wanna deal with, that you don't that you set up.
37:13
S0
That doesn't mean anything that you set it up. So what?
37:17
S0
So what? I mean, you're you've got a big payoff toward making yourself wrong here. So you make him wrong.
37:30
S0
You need to go after this course like it's life and death and do every little tiny exercise like that could be the exercise that contributes to your 12 year old, though you can't perceive how it possibly could.
37:44
S0
You keep tackling huge things so that it won't ever work.
37:50
S0
You've got to go after tiny things in you and your 12 year old will almost instantly take notice and pretend like he's not. And then if they keep coming, the curves you know how pay attention a little more on a curvy road than you do on a straight wide shot? You need to make it like this for him by making it like that for you. My guess is that you
38:22
S0
are so predictable that it would take an imbecile to be interested by you. And I it's tilted to the side. And I would be willing to bet he's not an imbecile. No. You get it?
38:37
S4
Yeah. I get it.
38:37
S0
It's about you. And it's only about you. I don't care which one of you. You've got this whole body of knowledge that you use to keep between yourself and other people.
38:50
S0
That won't work. It doesn't work. Yellow submarine or whatever, it doesn't work.
38:59
S0
What have you got between yourself and other people? That's where you'll find your illusion. It sits right there, and it sits right between you and your 12 year old, and it ought to piss you off. Oh, I came out very pissed off. No experience of him. Right. Thus, it gives you no experience of you.
39:21
S0
And you're supported in this at every turn. Culture supports you in this unbelievably.
39:29
S1
Oh, I have supported myself in this illusion that I was so good at doing all these other levels of dealing with people.
39:42
S0
Breathe. Weigh in. You're breathing in your chest. Breathe down to your belly. Okay.
39:49
S0
God, it's amazing the little tiny things that you can't even possibly resist, which will shift everything all the way out. It can't help it. Yeah. Yeah? See, she negates what I say. No. What Do you get it?
40:06
S1
Alright. What I
40:07
S0
She negates what I say because she thinks she knows what I said.
40:15
S0
What if you don't know what I say at all? What if you don't know what I'm saying or what I'm talking about? We have to get you guys up to confusion so you'll at least Confuse me. Confuse me. I know what you do,
40:31
S1
but I'm not confused yet.
40:35
S1
Confuse
40:36
S0
me. We had a guy in the August course who's written the book on relationships.
40:43
S0
I mean, he's got four books out mostly about relationship. Of course, he's come to my course to find out about relationship.
40:50
S0
But he was on Oprah talking about relationship, former divorce attorney.
40:57
S0
And he stands in front of the room, and he does presentations regularly. He does courses. He does all of this kind of stuff. And I stand him up in front of the room,
41:07
S0
and I said, okay. Tell him a little something. And he goes, well, that's and I said, no. Don't do it automatically. And he said, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I won't. Okay. Okay. Well, out it comes again. And we did this, like, 20 times in a row. And every single time, it comes out like, just like your eye nose do. I know. I know. I found a place to put that. I found you're like you're like Tupperware.
41:30
S1
But I just put it there, and then I don't do any and
41:33
S0
then I don't It doesn't do anything. No. I know. I know that.
41:39
S0
I know that I stopped this. But this isn't about her. It's about all the rest of you too. You have your own little thing you do that with. Okay. Tell them a little something that you really know.
41:52
S0
I know that you know. No. Come on. Alright. Go. It didn't hurt at first. Hurt.
42:02
S0
And she starts to wake up a little bit. Now she wonders why she gets pain in her life. It's because it's the only thing that wakes her up. I know. You see I know.
42:13
S0
It is true. It is true. We gotta hook a shock up to her. If she's gonna remain a rat, We have to hook a shock up to her every time she says I know.
42:23
S1
I know.
42:24
S0
Now
42:27
S0
that would be funny if it wasn't so tragic. It is. And I wanna Now she did it again.
42:35
S0
I could use any one of you.
42:40
S0
Any one of you and away it goes. Same thing.
42:48
S0
Now she's the poster child for it, so she's gonna be a little more obvious. Right?
42:55
S1
I don't know that.
42:56
S0
I'll try that for a while. Well, you will?
43:03
S0
Maybe.
43:06
S0
Woah. She's learned a new word. That's you.
43:16
S0
And out it comes.
43:18
S0
Look ridiculous? And you laugh, but it's not really funny.
43:26
S0
Because imagine you're the 12 year old. Your head's cocked to the side. Imagine you're the 12 year old.
43:36
S0
Imagine your whole point is to have your children feeding your insecurities so that you can justify continuing to be closed down.
43:48
S0
What's the point?
43:51
S0
Let me tell you what the point is. Okay? There
43:56
S0
is no point.
43:58
S0
You won't find one that exists. There is no point.