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Illusion Conclusion
Jerry Stocking
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Illusion Conclusion — Core (16 Tapes)
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Tape 11 – Side A
Tape 11 – Side A
IC_T11A
44:45
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Transcript
252 utterances · click to jump
00:05
S0
And then you get to go, oh my gosh. I've always wanted to touch myself like this.
00:13
S0
And you can't stand it because it just zooms all through you everywhere and you just go.
00:23
S0
But if it stays out about the marker and you can't ask for the marker and you can't go to dinner somewhere because she picked there where you went to dinner last time and you wanna pick this time, but you don't wanna push that on her. But you know that you don't wanna go where you went last time because you didn't tell her that you didn't like where you went last time, but you really didn't like where you went last time. And she likes that restaurant better than anywhere else, but she only likes it because she thinks that you like it. Because you smiled seven times during dinner, and it was really because you had gas. And she thought she was entirely convinced. Does this sound like lunch? She was entirely convinced that it was because
01:04
S0
and you make it up and you make it up and you make it up, and pretty soon, just your makeup interacts. Yeah. Mhmm. We call it a MaryBell relationship. Mary Kay. Mary Kay. MaryBell. I don't know. Mary Kay. Well, Bonnie Bell and Mary Kay.
01:20
S1
Okay. Sorry. Together.
01:21
S0
Bonnie Kay.
01:26
S2
I request you buy this marker now.
01:32
S0
A whole world of difference, isn't it? What if it was the fire you could deal with rather than just the smoke? That's a whole world of difference. And you're putting your relationship on the line. You really are. If you make a specific request of somebody, you're gonna find out something about your relationship. You're gonna find out how deeply committed to it you are by how willing you are to have them say either one.
02:03
S0
How dependent you are by how much you have to have them say one rather than the other. Do you see how you're gonna learn about your relationship? Mhmm. A lot. Wanna deepen your relationship? Get to the point that you can make any request of each other anytime,
02:22
S0
and you don't have to tell stories. You say, I request that you take the garbage out tonight. She says, I can't take the garbage out because this and that and this and then and No.
02:38
S0
What then? Freedom. I request that you take the garbage out now. No. What?
02:46
S1
Excuse me?
02:49
S2
No.
02:50
S0
And it isn't like she's the only one that has these. I mean, how much of this has guided your life? A lot. And guided your life a lot.
03:03
S0
And yours differently than theirs.
03:07
S0
She was thrown to no recently. She's still thrown to yes. And we got a medicator to have her not have to say yes right away.
03:19
S0
Don't go like this because we'll we'll up the dosage.
03:28
S0
Request that she take the garbage out now and pretend you're at home and there's garbage there. Who takes the garbage out?
03:35
S2
We do at our own houses.
03:36
S0
Okay. Well, pretend same thing. Pretend that you're at her house. That's true. Pretend that you live together. There's only one house and there's only one garbage. And you've taken it out the last well, she's taken it out the last 38 times, but you never agreed that it was her job. Now request that she take the garbage out.
04:00
S2
Joan, I request you take the garbage out now.
04:05
S0
This terrible for you or what? Now you figure in the last 38 times and you figure in all this stuff, don't you? Right. Do you know what that means? That means you have to keep track of all this stuff in your head. You have to keep track of all this stuff in your head. You could be thinking about anything. You're not. You're thinking about keeping all of this in place. But she did the last time. She said, you've become like a math major.
04:39
S0
And it's fair if she does it three more times than I do because I fixed dinner twice, but the dinner that she fixed was fancier than the dinner that I fixed. Is does this involve anything up here or what? What if you could go back to zero and say, request that you take the garbage out? She says whatever she says.
05:03
S0
This be weird or what? What if you could do this at work? The pecking order is determined at work entirely by how many people you can say no to.
05:16
S0
You're further up the ladder if you can say no to more people. You're further down the ladder if you can't. Obvious? Mhmm. It's all about relationship and hierarchy. Mhmm. It's completely about relationship and hierarchy. Now it's a whole different question if she says I request that you take out the garbage tonight and the garbage doesn't get taken out. Now
05:44
S0
you have a legitimate complaint because she promised to take the garbage out. If she didn't make a specific promise, you have no complaint.
05:57
S0
So you get how this sets the two of you up to work together in life
06:03
S0
rather than to go around making up all kinds of stuff in your head, which sends you kind of out into space as some kind of weird probe out there independent of everybody else. And every once in a while, every maybe fifty, sixty light years, you get a glimpse of somebody else. You go, woah, I don't want that anymore.
06:25
S0
What if you could make a request
06:29
S0
and
06:33
S0
be willing to find out whatever you find out. Now if she always declines your requests, it's the end of your relationship because you aren't gonna put up with that for a long long time. Get it? You're gonna get tired of this because you have a specific criteria that must be met in order to say that you're in love with her.
06:58
S0
You got a negotiation here.
07:02
S0
If she does certain things, you're gonna go, I'm done. True? I imagine so. Yeah. I imagine so. You can even make pictures of those things that she would have to do.
07:16
S2
Doesn't everybody?
07:18
S0
Yes. Okay. And it enters into the world of conditional relationship in which request and promise are absolutely all important so that you can know where you stand in relation to the other human being. That's why it's important. Because otherwise, you don't ever let her know the criteria by which you're remaining with her. I love you works for a while, but then the trash starts to stink.
07:50
S0
You don't let her know. You have to let her know in the dance of request and promise so that she'll know what's expected of her. Otherwise, you leave and they go, what happened? And you say, I don't know.
08:06
S0
Standard relationship breaking up? What happened? I don't know. And culture steps in at that point and has you fill the script in and say exactly what you're supposed to say in order to up the stakes, in order to get out of the relationship without ever having any clue what happened. That's very standard and culture will do that for you. Culture will come right in and fill in right out of your mouth. Pow. It does it in parenting, does it in relationships, does it on the job. It will come in and just fill in for you.
08:41
S0
You need to do this to find out where you sit, but you need to do it starting at the beginning of a relationship.
08:51
S0
I mean, you look over at your blind date and say, I request that you get the ketchup for me.
08:58
S0
Uh-oh. I'm not sure we were that far along yet.
09:04
S0
If he then looks at you like, what are you talking about? Do I know you?
09:11
S0
Then you've got somebody from New York.
09:16
S0
Okay. Trios, please. Please refer to the request exercise in your booklet.
09:26
S0
Okay. Pick an a b and a c and in one case a d. Okay. Little practice here. The practice is that Dick makes a request,
09:39
S0
something specific that Janice can do
09:44
S0
right now, right here. He finds out and you watch. You're the watcher. You find out if he could she can say yes or no. By the way, a major ingredient of request that I didn't touch upon here, sincerity. In other words, you have to invest yourself in it. Otherwise, there's nobody there. And why would you just invest some little preference when you could invest life and death? That'd be silly, wouldn't it? Because if relationship is measured by the number of broken hearts per minute, investing some little preference isn't gonna break your heart sufficiently, but life and death is.
10:35
S0
So you request of her, you keep an eye on him to find out what goes on over here, then we find out if she can say yes or no.
10:46
S0
And we find out what happens to the dance and connection between these two. This is an exercise that we could practice for six months straight. Mhmm.
10:57
S0
Until you finally got to the point where you could make specific request, completely invested in it, completely open and she can say whatever she says and then she comes back with whatever she says and it just deepens the whole dance. You get how much junk there is regarding all of this? Let's not find out about our relationship.
11:22
S0
Boy, I could sure use some extra cash. That's a request for money in a relationship.
11:31
S0
It's not a request. Oh,
11:37
S0
I'd just like to rest tonight.
11:41
S0
That's a request that the partner goes out and gets a video and takes care of the kids.
11:46
S0
How
11:49
S0
obtuse can you make it and still convince the attorney that you're justified at the end?
12:00
S0
The inevitable end. So this is a toughie. The third person has the roughest job here because the third person has to point out what the heck's going on. Is he able to make a request? If not, he gets to practice it until he does without all this, without all kinds of stuff with it. He gets to practice and practice until he can make a request.
12:28
S0
And it might happen the first time. I don't know. But I can tell you that if he makes a request without including some pictures of her and some pictures of him and some pictures of the thing taking place and not taking place,
12:48
S0
it ain't going to work.
12:52
S0
This is a tall order. But what could it do for your relationships?
13:01
S0
A lot.
13:03
S0
Go after it and don't do it right. Do whatever you do.
13:10
S2
Is the person that had the request made, are they supposed to go which way they're most uncomfortable or most comfortable?
13:16
S0
No. I want them to observe their first response. First of all, observe your first response. Is your first response yes or is your first response no? Your first response will be independent of what is being requested.
13:35
S0
I promise. If you get back to the remember the first is really the eighteenth to twenty fourth. Well, forget all that. I mean, it's accurate. Your first response, you have a first response already when asked something. Mhmm. Right there. It's there before he ever even speaks and it's there. I want you to notice that one. Then I want you to find out how far out you have to go till you are sufficiently unidentified with whether it's a yes or a no so you could say either. Then I want how's this for a little tiny exercise this rides on Tuesday? Then you have to fully identify with one and fully identify with the other.
14:25
S0
And then do one or the other. Do you get how we're now starting to fill up all those those response areas that you had? Now wait a second. This isn't about you doing this perfectly. This is about you learning what you learn doing it. Can you do that? Yeah. Can you possibly not do that? No. Because you're gonna learn what you learn, aren't you? Mhmm. It's a huge piece to throw at you. If you get 10% of it, you've gotten a lot.
15:02
S0
Way too little, though.
15:06
S0
Got it?
15:06
S3
Question. Yeah. Do mind if you fully invested in this when I
15:10
S0
say Absolutely. Okay. Commit Why would you speak if you weren't fully invested? If you aren't fully invested, shut up. That's small talk, and that's demeaning to everybody. Be absolutely fully invested. I request that you stand up now. What about this course you develop the ability to be sincere and insincere? Either one at any point in time. Sincere meaning fully identified with it. Insincere meaning not identified with it at all. So first, let's start in order to learn this, let's start with it being digital and then we'll play it out to analog.
15:53
S0
You live with it analog,
15:57
S0
which is that you don't even know how identified you are with what you are asking. And the person is not just answering what you're asking, they're answering how identified you are. And it cuts to your heart if you're 80% identified and they say no and you're identified with yes. There
16:17
S0
are certain times that you wanna be identified. You gotta learn to play with these percentages. You've got to learn to do it. Am I asking too much of you? Absolutely. Oh, this is a toughie, kid. This is a lot of different pieces to juggle. It's time to juggle.
16:37
S1
I'm just aware of my need to protect myself by not being invested.
16:42
S0
That's true if you could be abandoned.
16:48
S0
I request that you stand up now.
16:52
S0
Say no. Well, I was running at okay. No. Thanks. You're welcome. Where's our problem? Relationship deepens. Did you watch it just happen? Mhmm. The relationship deepens.
17:08
S0
And thanks for that you're gonna run it. I get it. What what's my problem? You act like people are fragile. People are not fragile at all. And then you act like you can be hurt by words. He said this to me.
17:26
S0
I what what does your mother say? Johnny said I was a little pig.
17:33
S0
Well, Johnny can say whatever he wants. Who cares? Said mom or some version of that, didn't she? But now if Johnny says you're a pig, you go, fuck. No. No. That might be true.
17:50
S0
Yeah. You don't invest.
17:54
S0
I'm telling you, there's no risk here. And I don't just mean here. I mean on the planet.
18:03
S0
There's no risk here.
18:08
S0
There's none.
18:11
S0
No moles. No risk. I can ask anything of her,
18:19
S0
anything, and she'll say whatever she says. If I say, will you go home and go to bed with me? And she says yes, I better know if she's really saying yes or not.
18:33
S0
Because if she's not really saying yes, then we're gonna have be in trouble. You get it? Mhmm. Down the road, we're gonna have a problem. I've gotta be able to interpret and read but not make it up. I am going to make it up if I'm so wrapped up in it that I think I'm gonna die if it doesn't happen. But I've gotta get wrapped up in it and then get unwrapped from it.
19:01
S0
You follow? And I've gotta learn to do that rapidly enough so that I'm always there and not there and always there and not there, then you're simulating the universe.
19:16
S0
How often does somebody say no to you and you know they really wanna say yes? Or they say yes to you and you know they really wanna say no. At that point in time, you have to have the wherewithal, not the terror. If you have a preference for her saying yes and she says yes, you go out to a very superficial layer and you go, she said what I wanted. And you ignore all the no underneath it. It could be 95% no underneath it and you got 5% yes. Now you're able to relate to 5% of her. Mhmm. That's it. Mhmm. That's all you can relate to is the 5% that said yes. You can't relate to the 95% that said no. Your relationship has just gotten shallower because you only got 5% over there.
20:07
S0
If I say I requested you stand up on the next Friday and she says yes with 5% of her and the rest is no, I say, okay.
20:19
S0
You see what happens? I'm talking to both parts. You in conversing with somebody have to talk to the part that is conscious and the huge part that isn't conscious. If you don't do that, you're gonna take them on the little tiny percentage that they happen to have in their seven plus or minus two, and you're gonna miss the whole rest of it. Remember, the rest of it is what determines whether they show up or not.
20:51
S0
You gotta learn to attend to both. And to do that, you have to be fully identified and not identified at all alternately. Sound like fun? It is. Sound impossible? Sure. Anything that you're gonna learn that's worth learning sounds impossible at first. Otherwise, it's already composed of so much of what you know already that's what's the point?
21:22
S0
I'm throwing a giant at you.
21:27
S0
Play with it that way and learn what you learn. Go.
21:37
S0
If you're gonna make up what people are thinking which you're going to, we're just giving you some specific parameters to use.
21:47
S0
These are gonna be cleaner parameters than the parameters of trying to justify whatever garbage you wanna justify.
21:59
S0
We're giving you some parameters here. I'm highly impressed with the concentration in the room. This is a room of people who have spent three out of the last four days very aggressively pursuing all kinds of stuff that they have no idea what it is. Look around.
22:20
S0
Impressive? Yeah.
22:23
S0
Really impressive to me.
22:26
S0
I don't say that readily to groups. I've been doing this for fourteen years and I don't say that often.
22:35
S0
What if you could be this deep all the time?
22:41
S0
And what if everything in your life pulled you deeper
22:46
S0
rather than made you more shallow? Look around at each other, would you please?
22:53
S0
There's a tendency to do the little giggle thing. You don't need to do that. Look around at everybody.
23:04
S0
Homework. You got two days here.
23:11
S0
We gotta do it.
23:13
S0
One of the next two days, please be silent
23:19
S0
all day,
23:22
S0
but be with people,
23:25
S0
but be silent. In other words, rid your life of performance anxiety
23:33
S0
because talking is performance.
23:36
S0
What if you don't have to talk for the day? Pretend like you're genuinely mute and only speak if it's an absolute emergency. It's not an emergency if they give you coffee with too much cream.
23:54
S0
It is an emergency if you're in the emergency room and they ask you something about whatever. Are you allergic to penicillin? Although you could probably go.
24:06
S0
If you're with relatives or with somebody who you don't know very well or going to visit somebody, all the better. You will be shocked at how quickly they catch on. If you have kids, all the better. If you think they like the scavenger hunt, wait until they have mom shuts up.
24:31
S0
They're gonna bless my name. If you're having a lot of people over for Thanksgiving,
24:41
S0
yeah,
24:44
S0
have them over for Thanksgiving. Don't say a word.
24:53
S0
Well, or you can do it tomorrow.
24:56
S0
Or you could find some story that excused why you couldn't.
25:01
S0
Yeah. Stand up if you won't do it. I just wanna know who's not doing it. I have no problem with you not doing it. Tough?
25:10
S2
I can't figure out how I can do therapy when you're quiet. Maybe I should.
25:15
S0
You're doing therapy both days?
25:17
S2
No. But I don't wanna not talk on Thanksgiving.
25:25
S0
Treat it like I'm telling you not to watch football on Thanksgiving. I'm not saying don't relate to people. I'm not saying don't get closer than ever before. I want you to get closer.
25:40
S0
I don't know. Did Milton Erickson need to talk to do therapy? Uh-huh. Not a chance.
25:46
S2
Probably better than it.
25:48
S0
It could be too. Could be. Probably better at it than anybody who's been in the history of the universe, probably. But you don't mind being compared to that, do you?
25:57
S2
Hell no.
25:57
S0
Hell no.
26:01
S2
Jerry, if I don't get my the battery on my car fixed, I will
26:04
S0
I'll be stuck in
26:04
S2
the the room all by myself anyway. I love you. I'm You
26:10
S0
get it? It's a pattern. It's a pattern. She gets. She goes through all this stuff in her head and then finally comes out with something that's about 15 sentences down the line. I'll tell you what. After her
26:24
S2
how to get out there if I don't have a car.
26:34
S0
If I bought your limitations, I would be worth nothing.
26:41
S0
If you started using your imagination, you would be worth an awful lot. I didn't say this would be easy for you.
26:52
S0
I suggest that you can give it the best try you can rather than killing it off in your head before it's even begun.
27:02
S2
I didn't kill it off. I thought maybe you could give me some suggestions because I really wanna try it.
27:07
S0
You don't need them.
27:10
S0
You can do it, and you can come up with them, and you can play with it, and you are a self contained unit over there. You can do it. I entirely trust you to be able to do it.
27:25
S0
And you may have to think outside what you're used to thinking. And you may end up talking and you may not. We don't know. But I want you to hear just those conversations in your head. It's one of the best ways I know to quiet them down is hear just them without out there. We invite anybody who wants to to come visit us tomorrow between,
27:56
S0
let's say, twelve and three, bring your own lunch. This is Clarksville, it's an hour and fifteen minutes north of here. It's right on the edge of the North Georgia Mountains. We're on 23 acres.
28:12
S0
It's beautiful country up there. I don't know how many of you are familiar with the North Georgia. It's mountains. It's mountains and clear streams. It borders on Great Smoky Mountain National Park. I mean, our place doesn't, but right up by there. It's just it's stunning. I had no idea it was there, but the mountains of Northern Georgia are amazing.
28:39
S0
And we have 23 rolling acres, so you can walk around, you can meet the kids, you can see what we do, you can see where we hold the glow. We had a fatality not too long ago, so you can't dip in the pond really.
28:54
S0
Well, you can, but you'll have to work to submerge. We had such rain about a month and a half ago that it washed out about an eight foot wide thing around the dam that we had built. So the pond levels about this deep instead of seven feet deep. By next year, we're going to have about a two acre pond. This one's just a little thing, plenty to dip in. You might want to dip anyway. Everybody who comes to our place dips,
29:27
S0
but I'm not saying you have to tomorrow.
29:31
S0
Again, plenty of rest, please. Take it easy.
29:39
S0
Watch other people. Go out and play.
29:45
S0
We'll see you back here Friday, nine a. M.
29:50
S0
And thanks very much.
29:58
S0
So Myra, as far as we know, is back home today.
30:05
S1
I was going to ask you why I didn't pick up on the fact that she was going to leave.
30:12
S1
Why I didn't know in advance. Or
30:17
S1
something
30:18
S0
I have a different question. Did she tell you she was leaving?
30:21
S1
Well, she called me and told me she was leaving, but before that, I didn't know.
30:25
S0
Yeah. I I have a much more relevant question. Okay. Why did she leave
30:32
S0
having spoken to you?
30:37
S0
See, in my world, it appears to me that you chased her out. Really? Yes.
30:45
S0
She had no choice but to leave after speaking to you.
30:50
S1
Well, when she spoke to me
30:53
S0
Now watch out because remember at the beginning I wasn't going to hear his content about what she said and weire in danger of working around to that and I donit want to hear his content about I what she
31:09
S0
believe that you were the last person in the Course who she spoke to.
31:12
S1
Thatis true, yeah.
31:14
S0
Okay. Did you instantaneously call us?
31:17
S1
I No.
31:20
S0
Thatis weird, isnit it?
31:25
S0
So there are people who want to commit suicide but donit really? You know how you can tell who that is. Right?
31:35
S0
Because they're still alive.
31:40
S0
That's you guys.
31:43
S0
And then thereis the group who wants to commit suicide and really wants to commit suicide.
31:50
S0
Theyire dead.
31:53
S0
So if Myra had wanted to be supported in coming back here, she would have called us, But she didn't. She called Patrick being a good judge of character. Do you get my point?
32:06
S1
Well, when she called me,
32:15
S1
My my initial reaction was
32:17
S0
My evidence is the phone bill,
32:21
S0
not the content of the conversation. That the call was placed
32:30
S0
That the call was placed is, I believe, evidence in any courtroom in the land.
32:39
S0
But the content of the conversation is not necessarily admissible.
32:46
S1
Yeah. Perhaps that's perhaps I've said enough.
32:51
S0
I don't know. Do you get the message?
32:55
S1
I guess I do. Yeah.
33:01
S1
I'm wondering if I did the right thing now.
33:06
S0
So we've brought you closer to the present because he started at why what where do we start at? Why? Why did
33:17
S1
she leave? Why did I not know that she was leaving?
33:19
S0
He not know? No. Way more removed, Judy, than that. Why did I not know that she was leaving?
33:28
S0
We've gotten to maybe I didn't do the right thing. Now let's get to what would you do next time.
33:38
S1
I don't know.
33:42
S0
What would you do if you were gonna leave?
33:44
S1
I'd probably look for somebody to talk me out of it.
33:49
S1
I would look for somebody to talk me out of it.
33:51
S0
Okay. Where would you find such a person?
33:54
S1
I'd call you.
33:55
S0
Yeah. And then you'd be here?
33:57
S1
Yeah.
33:58
S0
Unless it wasn't appropriate to be here and then you wouldn't be here.
34:02
S1
Then I would just
34:03
S0
Right. But you wouldn't go into your own head and entirely trust that at this point. No.
34:11
S0
The time that you most want to trust yourself is when you are the craziest.
34:17
S0
Thatis the time when you really need to grab something and you grab something in here.
34:25
S0
Thatis just standard operating procedure as you throw all of your resources out the window and then trust yourself.
34:34
S0
At that point in your life, you need to have someone else to trust.
34:39
S0
You have to. And then you have to listen to them as if they know what they're talking about, even if they don't say what you thought you wanted them to say.
34:51
S0
So at that point, you have to play a different sort of a game and we call this the reciprocity ratio.
35:00
S0
The reciprocity ratio is a measure of how much you put out in order dependent upon how much you need back.
35:16
S0
How many times will you reach out until you need somebody to reach back to you? How many times will you attempt to contribute to them before you require that they contribute back to you? This is the most direct measure we know of security.
35:38
S0
This ratio indicates how secure you are because the more you can reach out without getting something back, the more secure you are.
35:53
S0
Do you understand how that relates in this case?
35:58
S0
Myra says, hey, Patrick. I'm leaving. If she had said I'm gonna commit suicide, what would you have done?
36:06
S1
Well, I would have gone down to her room right away.
36:10
S0
What's the difference?
36:15
S0
The past she had was from hell.
36:20
S0
She had a past from hell.
36:23
S0
Raise your hand if you want to go live her life. Not
36:29
S0
a chance, is there? The past she had was from hell. It apparently ran out. Yeah. You go right to her room or dial 911, which happens to, in this case, be (800) 899-2464.
36:47
S0
That's the non local 911 round here regarding this course. I'm not saying you did wrong. I'm saying can you reach out
37:05
S0
when it's not comfortable for you to reach out? Can you reach out when it's awkward? Can you reach out when they haven't given you any indication that they're interested? Can you reach out anyway and still trust that it's gonna be okay in you?
37:24
S0
Or at that point, do you say at a certain point, have to say, wait a minute. They're nuts.
37:33
S0
They're crazy.
37:37
S0
Where do I fit in this? Do I support their craziness, or do I get in the way of it somewhat?
37:49
S0
What I'm talking about is where he has the most to learn.
37:57
S0
Skip her. What can he learn the most from?
38:03
S0
In other words, how can he improve his life in this interaction? For himself.
38:12
S0
The selfish thing for him to do at that point in time is attempt to contribute to her
38:19
S0
because that will expand you in the future.
38:24
S0
He has an awful lot to give. Otherwise, he wouldn't have all of this health stuff that keeps him in most of the time.
38:35
S0
The people who don't have an awful lot to give are out involved already.
38:43
S0
In the world of illusion, it's not what it seems.
38:48
S0
This guy has look at him. This guy has so much to give that he has to get this sick to provide an excuse not to give it.
39:00
S0
How do we know this? Judy, how many times did I have to invite him to touch my head the other day?
39:05
S2
Five, six.
39:07
S0
Five or six times. And yet, this is what he does and this is what he wants to do. But I have to invite him five or six. How many times we aren't just talking about you, Patrick. Do you get it? We
39:21
S0
might be talking about everybody here.
39:25
S0
What stops you in that moment that you wanna reach out, in that moment that you know that there's the contribution to make and you don't make it? And then what kind of rules do you make about yourself regarding that? You get how it starts to form a loop that just drives you nuts.
39:45
S0
It does. And you can't go round picking everybody for this. But I'll tell you, if they pick you
39:56
S0
because she picked him.
39:59
S0
And there he was.
40:03
S0
How often when you could reach out, can't you reach out? That's the reciprocity ratio. Do you understand it? How many times can you reach out before you require something to come back?
40:20
S0
What's your ratio you get to be saying
40:26
S0
right now to yourself? What's your ratio? How many times will you reach out before you stop reaching out? And you're gonna come up with a story for not reaching out at that point for sure. They don't want it. They I've got other things to do. I'm too darn busy. There are lots of other people. I did this before and it didn't work. I you're going to come up with something, aren't you?
40:56
S0
When in fact at that moment you could parade your own insecurities out here and go, here they are. I don't wanna say this.
41:07
S0
I have nothing to contribute.
41:16
S0
How soon do you in other words, what kind of battery are you? How soon do you need to be replenished by something coming in from the outside? How deep does thank you. Does what comes in from the outside have to be in order to replenish you? You get we're now talking about a much deeper cut on what does it take to sell them, how long do they stay sold, and what does it take to resell them.
41:45
S0
This is a much deeper cut on that. What would it have taken to sell Myra?
41:54
S0
And where would you have had to have gotten you would have had to have gone way down deep inside you and brought it out here.
42:04
S0
And how many opportunities do you get to do that? That's the neat thing is they never stop. Especially if you have kids, they never stop or friends or lovers or pants or anything. They never stop.
42:24
S0
So it's a constant test and this is what we're getting to this afternoon. It's a constant test of your maturity level.
42:33
S0
Maturity has to do with focusing out when you think you really have an awful lot of important work to do in here or focusing in when outside demands all of your attention.
42:50
S0
You understand how that could be maturity? In other words, having your attention where it needed to be at the time rather than dictated by your insecurities.
43:05
S0
That's the sleepiness, Mark. That's the sitting here sleeping and thinking that you're gonna listen to the tapes later and get it. You're not. That's the doing the master practitioner training and not learning NLP but thinking you did.
43:21
S0
That's the having a relationship, but then they go out and have an affair and you throw the relationship in a way in a moment. That was a deep one, wasn't it?
43:32
S0
You understand that point?
43:35
S0
Whether they have an affair or not is irrelevant to your relationship. And if you make it relevant to your relationship, it means you didn't have much of a relationship. It means your insecurities were determining the way the relationship went. If your insecurities are developing the way the job goes or the way the relationship goes or where Myra goes, you're in trouble.