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Illusion Conclusion
Jerry Stocking
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Illusion Conclusion — Core (16 Tapes)
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Tape 16 – Side A
Tape 16 – Side A
IC_T16A
40:43
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Transcript
159 utterances · click to jump
00:00
S0
Okay. So a miniature relationship course. Okay? Mhmm. Is that okay with you guys? Yeah. He's asking for a little mini relationship course.
00:14
S0
I will address all of his questions in this little mini relationship course.
00:23
S0
So your patterns pick their patterns.
00:31
S0
The particular woman you mentioned is a tramp for anyone whose patterns she doesn't need And she's a nun for anyone whose patterns she does need. So
00:50
S0
in the one case, she's a nun. In the other case, she's a tramp. What does that tell you about her? She wants it not to work. She wants to she is seeking evidence for that relationships don't work. Do you think she could find that? Yeah. Wouldn't this be a great way to do it? For anybody whose patterns really for even a nice guy, she's a nun. So for a nice guy, she's a nun. For a nasty guy, she's a tramp. So she gets close to the nasty guys and gets more evidence for that it doesn't work. All you have to do is look at what your patterns pick for you and you'll find out exactly what your intent is. You don't get to make up what your intent is. I mean, you can, but it won't influence what you do.
01:57
S0
You cannot possibly afford to have your patterns pick your spouse.
02:04
S0
Because if you have your patterns pick your spouse, your patterns will also pick when your spouse is no longer your spouse.
02:14
S0
They'll pick when somebody else is your spouse or when nobody's your spouse. They'll run the whole game. You can't do it. We've seen this recently with Fred. Friend finds a girlfriend or rather his patterns do. This girl needs help.
02:33
S0
Guess what Fred can do? He can help. Can't he? He can really help. Now skip the fact that this is her routine. She really doesn't want any help. She just wants somebody who tries to help her and fails.
02:47
S0
Watching this from outside is fairly simple to watch. He's in relationships with somebody else now who his patterns are absolutely unattracted to. His patterns have no interest in this woman And they're both growing like crazy and having a wonderful time. In the other one, they both ended up dead meat going nowhere, nothing going on. You can't afford ever to have your patterns pick your relationships. And you can't afford to have your patterns get you out of your relationships.
03:22
S0
So simple thing about relating.
03:28
S0
Bell's theorem.
03:31
S0
So you go to physics and you find a little place where relationships work. You know, in physics relationships work? Not between physicists,
03:42
S0
but between little tiny particles, which is a fairly easy place to start. So you take these little tiny particles and you ship them out at approximating the speed of light away from each other.
03:55
S1
Please refer to the relationship diagram
03:59
S0
after they've been close to each other. You send them out about very close to the speed of light away from each other and anything you do to this one, if you apply a tiny little electronic charge to this one, it influences this one also. Even though they're speeding apart faster than you can divorce. Faster than you can run away from home. A little tiny charge applied to this one applied applies to that one at the same instant. Not at the time that it would take the information to travel across here, but at the precise same instant. What this tells us is we're already related.
04:46
S0
You can't help but be related. I mean, women in the same office menstruate at the same time. Emily works at the Vets Clinic. You gotta watch out because these are all women at the vet's clinic. And there's a certain time of month that you better not bring your pet in. Mhmm. Because that's their time of the month.
05:10
S0
We're already related. In other words, it's already done. It's already finished. Now the only thing you get to figure out is where you wanna make a mess.
05:24
S0
Where you want to say this one is more important than something else because the groundwork is already laid and you're already related. The groundwork is laid.
05:39
S0
So you're already related. That's done. Now you were born this gorgeous little creature with nothing going on at all.
05:51
S0
Ideally except for, you know, the time in the womb and all of that stuff.
05:57
S0
Let's say let's skip the time in the womb, although it's very influential, and let's skip the birth, although that's incredibly influential, and say, there you are, this tiny little critter. This tiny little critter walked into the world and this one wild beast started saying some things to it with some particular patterns. And this other wild beast started saying other things to it with some particular patterns.
06:24
S1
Please refer to the relationship diagram again.
06:29
S0
This wild beast argued for I forget which is which. That's the he. Right? Mhmm. Yeah. This wild beast argued for his patterns. This wild beast argued for her patterns. And this little beast, he said, why?
06:45
S0
And this one said, he needs to be changed. And this one said, shut him up. Or vice versa. Meanwhile, it's not as if this one's patterns had resolved themselves yet because this one said, you change him while making a picture of herself changing him. These are diapers.
07:15
S0
So said one thing, but made a picture of another. Ever done this? Ever not?
07:24
S0
So meanwhile, while this one was making a picture of changing the baby, and this one
07:33
S0
in other words, this one was schizophrenic. Do you think this one was schizophrenic? Oh, you betcha. This one was making a picture of the big ball game, and I mean football.
07:49
S0
Well, talking to himself about quiet baby syndrome.
08:05
S0
You can use that in your practice as the therapist among you, the quiet baby syndrome. You can make it up. You can now define it as anything you want. I'm looking for pre traumatic stress syndrome victims to run some tests on.
08:22
S0
That's what we're attempting to raise up in Clarksville. We have two pre traumatic stress victims.
08:30
S0
They're the only two I know of because this one has post traumatic stress just from spending three seconds around these two each with a bet.
08:44
S0
So
08:49
S0
one second around these two crazy beasts. And this one's so torn. This one's in the middle of world war. Oh, I don't know. 8,000,000,950 trillion, and this one's in the middle of World War something else. And where's the relationship between these two? Well, they're fully related at the area of physics.
09:12
S0
In every other way, I mean, how often do they talk about breaking apart? They talk about breaking apart and separating anytime they get brave enough that they don't think it's close enough at hand.
09:32
S0
The rest of the time, they just think about breaking apart because why would you wanna be with them anyway?
09:43
S0
So this little critter goes, ah, ah,
09:48
S0
ah,
09:52
S0
ah, goes through all kinds of trauma and then goes, oh.
09:59
S0
This one says, just accidentally while looking at this beautiful little crystal thing that she's just gotten given by some guy at work. She says, I love you. And this kid says, oh, this must be love.
10:25
S0
Didn't you? Mhmm. You said this must be love. It's my parents. This must be love. This must be how people who treat who love each other, treat each other. And this must be how people who treat me. So you built those goofy things that we talked about yesterday. If he takes out the garbage, he loves me. If he this, he loves me. If he that, he love you built all of this crazy foolishness around this. Now then, this little thing grows up. I mean, quite a future here. Right? Messed up that thoroughly? Now, if this one's really lucky, it has some horrendous event in its childhood so that it can blame everything on that.
11:09
S0
Like it gets raped when it's three or something like that because anybody later will listen to that and go, no wonder. When in fact, it has nothing to do with being raped at three. It has something to do with everything that led up to that and everything that went after that that went into this to fill up this one's possible stimulus response thing so that this one had to come out with a response. These two then sat there and judged the response if they were paying any attention at all. And meanwhile, each of these little critters gave certain attention for certain behaviors and no attention for other behaviors, shaping this one into some weasel creation between the two of them. Now this one's ready for relationship. Meanwhile, at the same time, this whole thing was taking place over here too to someone else who's now gonna come and these two are really gonna get along well together.
12:11
S0
It's amazing that we're really the same species. You know how alike two Irish Setters are?
12:20
S0
Really, a lot alike. Well, we're all mutts. You know how alike mutts are? Not very. You've got no idea what you're going to get. So this little one meets this little one. What are they looking for? Any environment in which they don't get beaten up too badly or killed.
12:47
S0
Primary
12:50
S0
primary reason for getting into relationship or this particular relationship. Do you have any idea what it is?
13:01
S0
It's the primary drive for people in our culture to be in relationship.
13:10
S0
It's the same as physics.
13:14
S0
It's proximity. Strictly, they happen to have gotten in proximity often enough that they go, oh, there she is.
13:26
S2
I must love you.
13:27
S0
This this is the one. I have enough pictures in my head of her. I have enough conversations in my head of her that she must be the one. Honest to goodness, this is it.
13:41
S0
You know they work in the same office, so they get married. They get really busy in the office, so they divorce the wife who's at home who they almost never see. They aren't in proximity to her and marry the secretary.
13:58
S0
Secretary decides she's gonna have some kids and stay home. You be careful how you hire the next secretary because the next secretary is gonna be the next wife. Believe it or not, it's proximity.
14:14
S0
It's whatever you happen to be around. Now what you happen to be around is dictated by your patterns. Your patterns, if graphed out fully, would look an awful lot like a gene.
14:35
S0
You know what genes are. Right? You you know what RNA and DNA. RNA and DNA, you can map out. It's like a key structure of what's where the holes are and where the stuff is.
14:52
S0
Any system that's going to work remember I talked about stuff and holes? It works at the level of RNA and DNA. It works at the level of the planets. It works at every level. Otherwise, don't pay attention to it.
15:10
S0
So what happens is that this person has specific patterns, a whole bunch of them that they have no clue even exist.
15:22
S0
And this person has specific patterns that they have no clue even exist, and this is like a really, really complicated key and lock thing.
15:34
S0
Really complicated key and lock thing. And if it happens to fit, there they are. Certain patterns go together.
15:47
S0
We now are watching it culturally. We've we've shifted some playing with sociology versus psychology.
16:00
S0
We see need you up here, Dave? That these two
16:07
S0
go together.
16:12
S0
I present to you mister and missus Carol.
16:21
S0
These two go together in our culture. This is a totally standard relationship, these two,
16:30
S0
based on their patterns.
16:34
S0
And how these two patterns fit is they make growth impossible. This is you and your wife. They make growth impossible unless you're interested in breaking out of the pattern that you're stuck in. The pattern thanks. The pattern is not really you. It's just some conglomeration of limitations and abuses that were put in early, but they aren't relevant in the moment. If you're not in the moment, they're entirely relevant. So the only way place the relationship can possibly work is in the moment. Now, if you don't know about patterns, your patterns will pick your spouse and terminate your spouse like I said. They will.
17:28
S0
And it doesn't matter how many times you say, I really want somebody to be in relationship with. I really want somebody different than the last person. I really this is all the conscious stuff that you say while the underlying patterns are picking exactly what they pick, and they do.
17:48
S0
You need to find somebody that you're not the least bit attracted to. You need to find somebody that you're not the least bit comfortable with. You need to find somebody that you wouldn't pick in a billion years, and you need to play around there a little bit because your patterns don't fit there. So the
18:08
S0
in cultures where they pick who's gonna be the husband and who's gonna be the wife very early in life, they do better than we do.
18:18
S2
I I spend a lot of time in with people from those cultures, and they they may stay married. But
18:24
S0
Well, they do stay married, generally.
18:26
S2
That's there's a lot of social pressure to stay married.
18:29
S0
There's a lot of social pressure to stay married. What I'm saying is the criteria that is picked over here is almost always patterns. Now on top of that, there's a routine of I picked her because and you make up stories. Don't you? I picked him because he's a good provider. I picked her because of this. I picked him because all of this stuff. I'm not saying that they don't go treat each other differently. I'm saying it certainly doesn't work any worse.
19:04
S2
That's for sure.
19:05
S0
And it may not work better. I I don't doubt that and I trust that you may know a a bunch more about that than I do. And they do stay together because that's the rule in the culture. And they got together because that's the rule in the culture. And you get together with somebody because that's the rule in the culture.
19:26
S0
Christine Lavin did a song, I wanna be lonely again. It's a it's a song you sing when you're in relationship. And then she goes on with all kinds of different verses about how wonderful it would be to be lonely again.
19:43
S0
So you with all your craziness come and they with all their craziness come and you end up with a situation that is intolerable, that has to be tolerable because it's the one you're in and that's that. And here, your patterns are bouncing off their patterns while you're trying to talk about your emotions and talk about all of this stuff all over the surface of the other thing, and it doesn't work very well. So one of the things you need to do is you need to start taking apart your patterns because a relationship that is dependent on the patterns isn't going to work. It just isn't. If I leave it up to you who you're gonna be in relationship with,
20:32
S0
you're gonna pick somebody who supports your basic stuff. I need your basic stuff turned over, flipped over, flopped around, moved around. I need you to be in relationship with somebody that you get emotions so extreme both directions. I need you to fall so desperately in love with them that you think you're gonna die in the next moment, and I need you in the next moment to not care about them at all.
21:02
S0
Because that's what happens as you're taking your patterns apart. But what happens in relationship is you say, I love you. You're the one for me, so I must avoid any possible evidence that you're not.
21:19
S0
No. I don't wanna hear that.
21:23
S0
Because, in fact, you're totally head over heels in love with the person and can't stand him.
21:32
S0
So what happens here, since that's not allowed, is the two of you not having taken care of anything that's going on between the two of you since it's all patterns beneath the level of what you can become conscious of, you start to build an illusion on top of this.
21:51
S0
Big illusion on top of that. And you say, this is our shared area. Oh, yay.
22:00
S0
You've got a shared area. Now you do kinda disagree about this, and you don't really get along about that, and you don't I've heard it an ad on the radio the other day. It was for I think it was for Fujifilm.
22:16
S0
The guy says, remember the time that that your uncle Harry came over and he got so smashed that he that he did this, that, and the other thing? No.
22:28
S0
It's an advertisement for film. So the guy could have taken pictures so that he could have showed them to his wife to indicate that that time had really happened. And the whole ad is him saying, remember the time that this happened? She says, no. Remember the time that this happened? No. And they're funny instances that he's setting up. Standard operating procedure in a relationship. Now, is a very complicated system, Michael. This is an incredibly complicated system going on, but you don't deal with its complication.
23:06
S0
And I don't want you to. I want you to deal with it moment by moment. I go over to somebody's house for dinner back in the days when I would have done such a thing. And here's the man, and he is being let go by this theater department. He worked in the theater department. And he's going, I I can't believe that I I just don't know what I'm gonna do next. And across the table is his wife, and she's saying,
23:39
S0
we can do whatever we want. We can go anywhere. We can do anything. There's not a problem with any of this.
23:47
S0
They've been married like twenty five years, but it doesn't make any sense to me because I I don't know. You understand what's going on? So she's filling her consciousness with visual. He's filling his with kinesthetic. Where are they gonna meet?
24:06
S0
I mean, who's where what goes on here that you could even call relationship? I'm giving you an example of one parameter when in fact with these two, there are so many.
24:19
S0
Here, these two go out for dinner.
24:23
S0
This one orders a Coke with three straws. The only time that this one's ever seen a Coke with three straws was at the evening when his mother announced that she was breaking up with her husband.
24:40
S0
And when he started to cry, she smacked him one.
24:45
S0
So he sees three straws and starts to really get upset. Right through the right through here. Now he can't say I'm upset because there are three straws there because he doesn't know. He has no idea. He just starts to get upset. Guess who he's with? He's with this one. So whose fault is the upset? It's this one.
25:12
S0
So he makes up a story to justify. And this making up a story pushes their relationship out further and further and further into more superficial rings further away from the place at which they are genuinely related. And pretty soon, the only way they're related is that occasionally they ride in the same vehicle, and they don't meet on any parameters that are of interest to either of them.
25:43
S0
And they're more closely related with somebody at work because at least somebody at work, they've got a shared purpose that they're playing at.
25:53
S0
And if that weren't enough, generally, the model of relationship and I'd like to know how many of you this is true for. How many of you were your parents in competition with each other?
26:08
S0
In relationship? Yeah. In the your parents competed with each other. Okay. So if they're in competition, they really got a problem because out comes three straws and this one starts to get really upset and this one says,
26:30
S0
if he's gonna get upset,
26:33
S0
I can get more upset than he can. Because I'll tell you, I've been around people who were upset before, and I've been used and it didn't you know, they go through sort of their files, and they up it. And then they up it, and they up it, and pretty soon they're playing for stakes that neither one of them can afford.
26:57
S0
Ugly.
27:00
S0
You need to handle your relationship with everybody and how you do that is by altering your patterns.
27:07
S0
You need to find people who you aren't comfortable around and learn to run their patterns. You need to find people who you can't stand and learn to run their patterns. You need to find people who you can't sell. You need to sell everywhere, all the time to everybody. You need to find people who you can't sell and learn to alter your patterns.
27:32
S0
And then when you find someone in particular that you're gonna do this with, you've got enough patterns to haul out that you aren't backed into a corner constantly in relationship. It's all about flexibility. It's not you have to do one of two things. You either have to find the right one
27:58
S0
or you have to make the right one.
28:03
S0
You can't probably find the right one primarily because you keep altering stuff anyway. So the right one won't end up being the right one. So the real solution to all of that is you have to be the right one.
28:20
S0
Because they aren't gonna be the right one because when this hits the fan, they aren't gonna be the right one. She's gonna turn tail and start to run away when I need her the most. She has to. She has to. And away she goes.
28:41
S0
At that moment and this is why we're playing with all the different things here. At that moment, I have to have a reciprocity ratio that lets me say, hey, Carol. Come back. Come back. And Carol starts to go in. I said, Carol, come back. I have to have a 100 different ways to keep her there so that we can let the proximity happen. I have to have a thousand different ways to keep her there, which means that I have to have gotten rid of enough of my insecurities that I can reach out when I least wanna reach out.
29:20
S0
And it can't be just like this because at a certain point that becomes abuse. Don't I grab just a little harder and then we got a problem.
29:29
S0
I gotta be able to sneak around and get in front of her and say, hey. Let's do whatever. I have to make the sale at that point. I have to get out of the way and be able to move freely between you and me. If at that point I can't do that and patterns will never let you do that,
29:51
S0
Move freely back and forth. They all block it. I have to be able to move freely when it's the worst it's ever gonna be. When I think I'm gonna die. When I can't reach out once more. You guys have had this, those of you who have been deeply in love and been crushed. It shows up in your body. Your your body is just like it you can't stand it anymore. At that point, you need to reach out. And if you ever run a marathon?
30:20
S0
K. Thanks. Somewhere around 21 miles, you run out of juice. You got no more. You can't do it. Between twenty one and twenty six, you've got to do it yourself from here, not from here. Your body's got nothing left. You have to take each step
30:43
S0
the rest of the way, the last five miles or so. Sometimes it happens around 18, sometimes 21, sometimes 22, usually not as far out as 23. They scheduled it at twenty six on purpose. This has you have to drive it. And that's when we pass people in a marathon, those last few miles. That's when the guy I used to run with and I would just start passing them like lightning. These are people who passed us early on when they were reaching down in the reserves that they did have, and then they run out. You're going to reach that point in relationship if it's a real relationship. If it's not, forget about it. What I need you to do is I need you to reach that point so fast with the person checking you out in the grocery store. I need you to reach that point with everybody you know. I need you to reach that point with the doctor if you've never seen him before and you walk into her office. I need you to be at that point because that's when you find out about what kind of connection you can have between two people independent of the patterns.
31:58
S0
By being here, if you never practice anything else again, your patterns are going to have been broken apart all over the place. They can't it can't be otherwise. We've been doing this for enough years. That will happen. Now if you add into that some practice, all sorts of stuff will shift.
32:20
S0
So the pattern of picking somebody who's terrible for you could be an education if your attention span is long enough to say, wait a minute, this one's just like this one. I just picked two the same in a row and they both went down the tubes. What's the common denominator? It's me. This is what I'm picking.
32:49
S0
It's gotta be about you.
32:53
S0
Do you pick somebody with whom it works or someone with whom it doesn't? And what does works mean? Why does she stay with him?
33:05
S0
And what would have her leave? And if she ever leaves the point, if she ever gets very far from the point remember when you were a little kid playing tag and there was some place that you were safe? Mhmm. What'd you call it? Goal, baby. Goal? Uh-huh. Did you really? Stay safe. Okay.
33:29
S0
You're from Wisconsin? Yeah. Yeah. I I've said that to people in courses, and they all go, what do you mean? But we call it ghoul, I think, is what we call it.
33:38
S2
A little ghoul.
33:39
S0
Wisconsin. Yes. I grew up there, more or less, right next door. So you got this place that's safe. Pretend right now you've got this place that's safe. How long are you gonna be in contact with it? Because you're safe there.
33:59
S0
Not that long. So you go like this, and you go, okay. Now I'm safe. This isn't much fun, is it?
34:07
S0
It really isn't that much fun. So you go
34:11
S1
Jerry is flirting and pretending to put his hand more romantic places on her body.
34:18
S0
And you get just a little zest for a moment or two.
34:24
S0
Pretty soon you're a drummer.
34:29
S0
Start to beat time.
34:34
S0
And if anything bad happens when your hand is away, like you get caught, then you spend more time with your hand on it, don't you?
34:42
S0
But life doesn't take place while you're safe because you're never safe. So that really isn't when it takes place.
34:53
S0
But what about when you get a little braver?
34:58
S0
Don't you?
35:02
S0
In order to have relationship work, you have to have pawned your comfort zone.
35:10
S0
You have to be so far over there with no chance of getting back
35:19
S0
that a magical thing happens. They become
35:27
S0
the safe spot.
35:31
S0
By its consistency? No. By their variation.
35:37
S0
By their incredible variation, they become the safe spot.
35:44
S0
I can count on her to be however she is. If I have to count on her to be some particular way, I've now turned her into a thing and it doesn't work. But if I can count on her to be however she is, we've got some fun planned, don't we?
36:04
S0
And not only that, I need to keep monitoring her to find out how she is. What does that do? It focuses my attention on another human being. And then back to me, and then out to her, and then back to me, and then out to her, and then back to me, and then out to her, and pretty soon we're having fun.
36:20
S0
And then she goes, I'm gonna keep it in here for a few. And I go, or
36:31
S0
she, worse yet, she goes,
36:37
S0
I'm gonna put it over here for a little bit. And I go, I can't compete with another woman.
36:43
S0
Keep it over there. I go, we had a deal. What happened to our deal? At that point, if I can't make a sale, our relationship, the made up one is over. The real one still exists. I have to go down to the real one,
37:06
S0
and then I have to come back out building differently than I ever did before. Because what I built before doesn't keep her attention anymore.
37:18
S0
And usually, she won't do that unless she gets too scared of going deep here. Because it's almost always an away from. It's not because she likes her. She turned away from me because she's had it with me. Now she likes her. Now her patterns, if they're fully running, are gonna dictate that she stays focused there for the length of time she stayed focused here and then changes to someone else. That's what patterns do,
37:50
S0
And they do it every time. Mhmm. And you end up with serial monogamy and no fun. Mhmm. And it goes like that. So one thing you have to share is the commitment to taking apart your patterns. Mhmm. And you also have to be able to make a sale reciprocity ratio when you least want to, when you don't dare. And when I hear somebody say, I really just want a relationship.
38:22
S0
Well, I look to see what they have. And if they don't have one, I happen to know that that's what they want.
38:33
S0
Do you know now we're back to something we talked about the other day.
38:38
S0
What does they don't want a relationship mean?
38:44
S0
It's a test question.
38:49
S0
What does they don't want a relationship mean? I'll give you a hint. This stuff is all connected together we've done all week. It looks like all different pieces. It looks like whatever we did, whatever. It's all connected. They don't want a relationship.
39:09
S0
Mark, what does that mean? Don't want? Yeah. You don't want something.
39:17
S0
What does that mean?
39:19
S1
They prove a negative.
39:21
S0
It means
39:24
S0
It's all the way from Payoff.
39:28
S0
It means they're focusing on The cost. The cost more than the relationship, than the payoff. I have to somehow interact with them so that their attention shifts over to payoff. And now they want it. How do you do this? You start playing a little game. I want her. I don't want her.
39:58
S0
I want her.
40:02
S0
I don't want her.